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Chris (arizonaicedtea) wrote,
@ 2005-07-02 21:34:00
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    Current mood: amused
    Current music:System of a Down - B.Y.O.B.

    Something crazy this way comes...
    Dear Journal:
    So the other day I invented the internet and mugged this guy with penny loafers, I stole the penny's by the way, because I don't loaf. Then after flying to Australia to consult with Aboriginee Shaman about the nature of Tom Cruise being a fag, I swam to Japan to have some sushi. Sushi in Japan was highly over-rated, so I assassinated each and every yellow human-being in the nation with a sock full of oranges. It doesn't look like much, but you swing that motha over your head and it's a bitch when orange meets face.
    I decided to do some stretching afterwards, because killing an entire nation in one day, however awesome I may be, is quite an exhausting task. While I was stretching, the strangest thing happened. Jiminy Kricket stumbled into my dojo drunk off his ass and looking for trouble. I kindly asked the little bastard to remove his shoes, but all he did was spit and call my mother a "cock soaking whore with hair on her titties." Although I am versed in various areas of offensive combat, I was not willing to engage the insect until it became vitally necessary. Thats when the fuckin ballshit round-housed me across the face. Jiminy may seem innocent and trustworthy at first, but when he's runnin on a tank full of Vodka, Tequilla, and hate crimes, you can expect murder to be first on his to-do list. The whole time he was screaming about how he wrecked his Harley and claimed I was the "Greasy pig-rubbing felcher" who did it. And for those of you who don't know, or don't care to know, (Children close your eye's here) felching is the process of cumming in a guys ass-hole and then sucking it out. So I was kind of agitated at this remark.
    It was at this time I was forced to make a choice. Kill a beloved icon of child-hood innocence and crush the dreams of every Disney-fan in the world? Or allow this mangey miscreant, who was now pissing all over my weapon rack, and still hasn't removed his shoes, to keep insulting my honor and staining my dojo floor.

    Stay tuned for more when I have time to get around to finishing it...

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