|Current mood:|| drained|
|Current music:||If I Let You Go|
....realized this sooner...
I really should have realized this sooner...I should have stayed out of his life. When I saw him, I shouldn't have said hello, then things would have been a lot easier for him and I. But what can I do now? I can't turn back time. Wouldn't that be great? Anyway...it hit me hard today. He's not going to reply. I had deeply trusted his past love for me..that somehow it still remained. Yet today...I didn't feel it anymore. There's only one thing that I can think of...he's in love with the woman he's with. I should be happy for him. The truth is...a part of me is very glad that he's found happiness. And you know what the other part of me says right? Hahaha...yeah...you love him and you wish him to be yours. It's ok..sooner or later I'll get over it and find someone who'll care about me. I'll just have to stay positive.
Earlier this morning, I woke up and I finally felt free of the other guy. I could finally remember fun memories and smile back. That's when you know that you're over someone..when you can smile at the wonderful times you had shared together. I wonder when I can finally smile about mr. wonderful? Have you ever heard of that song from Westlife? That song "If I let you go"? The words from the chorus really hit home "But if I let you go, I would never know what my life could be, holding you close to me..will I ever see you smiling back at me..how will I know if I let you go..." Anyway, I had first dedicated that to Angelo (my first love and my reason for not choosing mr. wonderful) Angelo and I had met 2 -3 years ago...it lasted for about 2 months..and before he and I could see eachother, he ended it. I was crushed. It was so painful that I vowed to myself that never again would I fall for anyone whom I met online. LOL. Never say never. Then I met mr.wonderful/mr.perfect/mr.dreamman---I fell in love again, but this time I didn't know if I could go through that pain. Not knowing if I'll ever hear his voice, not knowing if I'll ever see his face and especially not ever seeing him look at me. I didn't want to go through that again..so I let mr.perfect go and chose someone who spent the time calling me. Mistake? Sometimes I think so...like when I'm depressed about losing Deric (mr.wonderful). Yet other times....I don't regret it. I don't regret it because, sometimes in life you have to go through something to realize what you missed out on. We all make decisions that we regret or we don't. But right now...you know what wins.
*sigh* Oh well, what can I say? Deric, I wish you the best in everything you do. May the woman in your life love you with all her heart. Take care my darling...remember, there will always be a girl in California who thinks the world of you and for the rest of her life, will regret losing you. *keep smiling*
"Maybe God puts us through this pain so that when happiness comes along, we'll appreciate it more."