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aRhea (arhea) wrote,
@ 2001-03-04 01:17:00
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    Current mood: morose
    Current music:The One that You Love

    It's not my loss...this time around
    I'm still in love with someone from my past. He was someone who possessed everything that I searched for in a man. How lucky was I? It's not everyday that you find anyone like that. But what happened next ruined my whole fantasy. I began to talk to another man. Even if I was already in love with someone, I didn't really know how he truly felt, nor did I think there was any chance of ever seeing him. During that time, he was thousands of miles away. I was afraid that history would repeat itself, so I opted for a relationship with the other man. The other man was closer than the one I truly wanted. For a while I was happy, but the thought of the one I truly loved never faded. 10 months passed and the other man and I ended our relationship. I was free. Then as the months went by, I started thinking about mr.perfect. I realized that I was not over him. So, I found his email address from a friend and I got in touch with him. I told him that I'd be visiting his home town and thought that it'd be great to see him. But I never did. He ran away scared.
    Again, a few months went by without hearing from him, then one day...we talked. He explained to me why we never met up and why he ran away with his tail between his legs. I forgave him, how could I not? I still loved this man and after all, I'm the one who screwed things up in the beginning. So, here we are now..I've told him how I felt, that I hoped he and I could try and rediscover what might have been. But it seems as if it isn't what he wants. Then again, he hasn't told me. He's pulling at my heart strings and well basically stringing me along. I'm sure he has his reasons, but why can't he just email me and say "I can't, you hurt me too much" or "Yes, I still love you and can you wait for me?" Is that so hard? A simple yes or no would suffice.
    Now I am to the point of giving up. I'm so tired of analyzing his words and thinking of what might have been. I'm only hurting myself. I think he should just let me know so that I can move on. Maybe find someone who will tell me how they really feel. I miss knowing that someone out there loves me. Set me free if you don't want me, but if you do...tell me. *sigh* What am I going to do?



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