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Arella (arella17silver) wrote,
@ 2004-02-15 03:12:00
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    Current mood: depressed
    Current music:Silence deafening me til my ears bleed....

    who cares......
    I've succeeded in not only spiraling my life down the drain but other people's as well. Why is it when the last thing I want to do is hurt someone, I end up doing just that. It's a rare occurance but even that often is too often for me. Maybe if my head was on straight and I listened to my intuition a little better I wouldn't be in half of the predicaments I find myself in.......
    So, where to go from here? I haven't a clue but I have been just throwing myself into working and writing to avoid the depression and the guilt. For someone with such potential, I sure don't get very far. I guess that is what happens when you lack motivation. I need a release......
    I sit and preach about all the things I stand for and the things I beleive in...morals.....values......standards....and yet I did not live up to them myself. Hypocritical, which in my eyes is one of the worst things to be. I always say follow your heart but this time I didn't. My intuition fell unto deaf ears.....
    With all that said, I'm going to attempt to numb my pain until it is unbearable and I have no choice but to take action........

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