The Love Shack (apt37) wrote, @ 2004-06-12 01:58:00

Current mood:	disappointed
Current music:	Canterbury Effect - Every Piece of Me

.i can be your zero.


I can't make sense of this feeling in my heart
I can't make sense of these thoughts behind my eyes
Of this feeling in my heart

This sums up about how I feel right now. About as emo as they come. And as much as I hate saying "I feel unsure/uncertain about how things are gonna work out," I really don't know. I mean, I still haven't found a job (so it looks like that's not happening at all), which means my dad will be unhappy about that. I'm still sleeping in way too much, I'm still out of shape, and I'm not making progress on my room. I feel like I'm experiencing half of each day, or less, and that I missing out on everything. I want to get up early, I want to be productive, I want to have a job, I want to do everything I'm not doing.

What did I do today? Saw Saved! and coached my bro's baseball game. Other than those two things, I didn't do much all day. Which is 1) depressing and 2) not enough to satisfy me for the day. It means that I'm staying up till anywhere from 2-4 am, sleeping until 10-1, and missing out on all of the crap I'm hoping that I could do.

Tomorrow's the lake party, which ought to be a day full of rest and relaxation. Instead, I'm going to be running around like a squirrel that can't decide if he wants to cross the road. And at some point I'm afraid I'll get nailed by a car. I have to get up early to take the cars to get washed, then I've got baseball practice to attend from 10-11:30 (which I'll have to shower after), then go make an appearance at Mr. Casey's bbq / election party. I'll need to get home and change for Amber's wedding, which is at 2, then as soon as the ceremony is done, I'm gonna change again and drive for 2 hours up to the lake, with maybe a quick stop in CS beforehand. It all has me very stressed. I hate it.

For some reason, I don't think I'm going to get very much sleep tonight.

I want to rip this heart right out of my chest.
I want everyone to see what's inside of me.
I want to show it every day, I mean everything I say
Want to show you everything, every piece of me.

I want to bleed right now.
Everything inside of me for you to see.
I want to bleed right now.
Everything inside of me for you to see.



blessed are the weak, for they have been given emo.

M.

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