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dearest helpless (apfelkeks) wrote,
@ 2003-12-04 15:50:00
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    Current mood: blah
    Current music:Nightwish - "A return to the sea"

    have a disembowled day~~
    i stood in the shower last night and watched the water trace over my curves, finally losing itself in the stark fold between skin and tile.
    my body is starving for something more. something real.
    i wonder if the desire for something more erotic and passionate can ever manifest and let me go .
    i want to take your face in my hands and kiss you like i am hungry for the meshing of lips, the exchanging of saliva. and then run my fingers through your dirty hair, your shaggy hair, your perfect hair. down to the nape of your neck, feeling you tremble. feeling me shake.
    god, i don't want to be alone anymore.

    schmetterlingsgedanken. nur niemanden zu nahe an mich herankommen lassen.
    lächeln, strahlen, radioaktiv. wunderlich.

    meine emotionale welt ist auf dem level einer fünfjährigen, erstarrt in der frostigen umarmung der angst

    leide ich?

    yesterday, i heard my mom crying over the whole "me"-thing. i hated myself again because i didn't feel anything. i made mother cry i don't even feel... sorry, guilty,... ? i am a bastard.

    today on the way home, i got a panic-attack again. trembling, swooning, almost fainting i fought my way home. home, home, away, away

    glad it's weekend. gonna take a steaming hot bath tonight, perhaps it'll warm me.

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