|Current mood:|| cold|
|Current music:||Papa Roach- Between Angels and Insects/ Cold- No one|
Meh, Thats all, Meh....
I hate being the one to deliver bad news. I try t have a healthy relationship, but of course, no it has to fuck up, it's only the right thing to happen. I am tired of trying, waiting for someone to come along that truly understands me. By the time I think it will all be ok with this one, it fucks up. I won't mention any names, the ones involved know whats up. Even though the only thing I did was make a bad choice, it still sucks just a bit. Knowing they know whats going through your head. Then they turn around, don't think, and do that one thing to stir up my demons again. I hate having to face them, they always win.
Just like now, I know I did the right thing, but they love to make my inards like a violent eruption of pain, anguish, thought, and yes the blade is more visible than ever. It doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. Not me, not her, not school, maybe my best friend but thats about all. It finally seems I can talk, and to one thing in this world that won't judge me, won't say anything to sway my views, or try to fix it without asking me, blurty. I never really updated like that past few updates. Maybe that's because I was to afriad to open up my own self. I am to afraid of being exposed, to the world, to myself. I wish things could be different, but I think I am finally making a breakthrough in my psychi(sp). I never meant to hurt anyone, but did anyone care when they hurt me, no. Oh well, life's a bitch, right? They say it doesn't have to be that way. But what they don't know is that it's only true, it does have to be that way. The only way to become a person of strength, integrity, wise, whatever you want, it has to happen.
Life has to be a bitch, to some more then others. I guess I am one of those others. I am becoming a colder person than before, I don't care. I dont' care what happens to the rest of the world, except for close family, and one or two friends. I wish I wouldn't be this way, but I have to. to preserve what I have left of my sanity. It is almost sad, my friend ran away. His mom came by, almost in tears, he's been gone for a week. Well, she was talking to me, for like and hour or so, and I couldn't even feel any compassion for her. I stared at her like it was nothing, cold stare, maybe just a hint of compassion in my eyes, nothing else. Not for him, but for the pain he was causing her. It was tearing her up inside, not that fact he was gone, but no word. Anywayz, I couldn't say anything but I'll help her out all I can. Well, I am gonna go. I have nothing else to bore you with. Thanks blurty, for listenting........