| Current mood: |  accomplished |
I'm not slutty, just sexually enlightened
Conversation with my doctor today:
Doctor: Are you single?
Me: Yes.
Doctor: So no sexual partner?
Me: Well not just one...
Doctor: Pardon?
Me: I'm in college.
Doctor: ...and?
Me: Well I have sex, but not with just one partner.
Doctor: Uhh... do you always use condoms?
Me: Usually.
Doctor: What do you mean usually? Why not always?
Me: Umm, cuz I'm stupid?
Doctor: If you're saying that it means you obviously know better. You need to ALWAYS use condoms. You can get HIV from just one time without a condom, so it's worthless to just use them sometimes.
Me: But I always don't use them with the same partners....
Doctor: Do you drink?
Me: Yes
Doctor: How often?
Me: Like twice a week (sidenote: definitely a lie)
Doctor: And when you do drink how much do you drink?
Me: As much as it takes to get me as drunk as I want to get...
Doctor: That's not healthy! Did you watch Dr. Phil last night? College students are DYING from alcohol. DYING. And you're killing brain cells. I don't understand why anyone would want to do that.
Me: Ummm... cuz it's fun?
Doctor: You think killing brain cells is fun?
Me: Well I think drinking is fun...
Doctor: Have you ever woke up in the morning and had sexual intercouse and not remembered it? Because that happens, and you may find out you had sex with multiple guys in one night and don't remember. It's very scary.
Me: I would NEVER get that drunk! (sidenote: also clearly a lie)
She also told me I need to eat at least 1,800 calories a day (apparently my body is in starvation mode) and asked if I have a good relationship with my parents. When I told her that they are fine with my lifestyle, she was appalled.
But, on a positive note, she refilled my birth control for a year and gave me 4 free packs... probably because the thought of me reproducing terrifies her.
After a trip to Ikea today, I returned home once again with a car completely full of not-so-necessary things for my apartment. Including pink furniture. My brother is gonna kill me.
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