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AnAimpulsE (anaimpulse) wrote,
@ 2003-06-29 21:25:00
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    Current mood: peaceful

    My name is Nadia and I'm a recovoring anorexic/bulimic. I have had eating disorders for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was little, I wanted to be perfect but the only thing I could control at the age of 12 was what I ate. And that's still pretty much true... When I was about 8 or 9 somebody 'hurt' me and it kept going until I was about 13 or 14. I never told a soul. I mean, how could I be perfect if something like that happened? I'm wondering if that helped the eating disorders along. I think it must have because it made me feel worthless and not at all good enough. Then I wanted to feel good about myself and I thought that if I were pretty on the outside, then I would have more confidence. The only way I could think of to make myself pretty was to be thin. So I tryed my best when I was younger, but I never had the self-control to get so thin I looked sick. But then recently, I lost a lot of weight and everyone could tell there was something wrong. So now, I'm trying my best to recover, but I relapse constantly. It's just so easy not to eat in the summertime because there's no one around telling me to. I don't really like to talk about exact weights, it's pretty pathetic and really embarassing. So I'm just not going to mention any numbers. I hope that keeping a journal will help me feel better. I've never kept one before and I find myself rediculusly angry or sad and I dont' know how to express or let out those emotions. I'm told that writting is a good way..... so here goes nothing

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