| Current mood: |  pensive |
| Current music: | "The Trial" by Pink Floyd |
The Trial
I awoke at 4 o'clock. I looked around with watering and bloodshot eyes, seeing the sun barely on rise. I glanced toward the recliner I was sleeping on, and in moments I was gone again. Miraculously though, I woke up at 7:30, with just enough time to return to my house. The walk there was terrible. The early sun was baking and I couldn't see out of my left eye. I eventually couldn't take the "one-eyed death march", so I had to use my finger to wake my eye up. It wasn't pleasant. I walked past the "Sexton Painting" guy, and he kinda gave me a sneer like a was a drunk waddling around. For the record: I wasn't drunk, I was just damn sleepy! I dreaded opening my front door, because I knew I wouldn't like what was past it. I creaked the door open, then ran to my room to get a little shut-eye. Unfortunatley, my sister was on my bed, with every pillow in the know universe to support her fat head, so I had to sleep on the futon with a stuffed bear as a pillow. Shit, I don't want to write about this anymore...
So I've been thinking, and this thinking is not new to me, i've been contomplating this for a while. Every time something happens, either I'm ordered to do something or I see an opportunity, I think about both sides of the choice extensively. It's really fucking crazy actually. It's like a road that you've never been on before, and there is a fork with two, maybe three prongs. You wonder what will happen through every scenario, right? Well I guess I think about it so much, i've started to have dreams about it. For example: My mom wanted me to get her sweater out of the car. So, I run to the car and realize it's locked. I stand there for a little while though, and I'm just thinking, "What if I wrap this tie around my fist and just bash the hell out of that window?" Then common sense gets the better of me and I get the keys. But some night ago, I had a dream where I was in the hospital, my hand cut up and bloodied, and my parents were freaking out. It was so vivid that it was pretty scary. There is so much normality in it though. If I am walking along and not disturbing the peace, the wa, the harmony, I could just as easily throw a rock through someones window and see how it goes from there...It is so easy in action to break the harmony, but my mind fights it like crazy. There is no anger in it at all, it's just curiosity toward different things. All the people that you see on the news have taken that "other" path, the one that is always passed by and thought of less and less. Maybe they have terrible morals or ethics or whatever, but maybe they are just curious, just seeking to break the normality. A guy misses a bus, either he waits for it, or he breaks into a white sedan and high tails it out of there...So, Is exploring that different path a crime, or is it just someone looking to break the mold and see what follows?
And goodnight...
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