| Current mood: |  happy |
What a long, strange trip it's been.....
Well, today was interesting, fun, and certainly different.
I way overslept...didn't get out of bed until a little after noon. After getting myself together for the day, I finally did manage to get that book dropped of with Wren to give to Jacinda.
This evening was the Hearth Meeting, which is always wonderful. Tonight we mainly discussed the ritual for the Full Moon celebration.
But the strange part of the day was after I got back to Pittsburg. Last night, Larry ran into one of my ex's at the Wal Mart in Pittsburg. He was very surprised to see Lee there, apparently working. Actually, Lee was working for a company contracted by Wal Mart. Anyways, when Larry told me that he was there last night and was supposed to be working there tonight as well, I really had to stop by. I had debated it all day and evening...just wasn't sure if I should stop by and say hello, or even if I wanted to. Lee is someone I loved very much for many years. The problem is that we tend to be very destructive for each other. He is an alcoholic, and I could never handle being around him for long, no matter how much I loved him. I have left three other relationships for this man, and still....no matter what, we could never make it work between us. Larry and I have been together for over 7 years. Even though I have no doubts as to my love for Larry, I have to admit that I was not sure I wanted to see Lee again....what if the old feelings were still there?
So finally, I said, what the hell....I won't know until I see him again what I feel for him. I'm happy to say....I felt nothing. Nothing more than I would have felt at seeing any other old friend. It's really sort of surprising and very gratifying. There was just nothing there...I even found myself wondering just a little why he had had such an emotional hold over me for all those years.
Lee invited Larry and I out to his new house sometime. I politely declined...he is still marred to the same wife he was with the last time I had seen him...when they had been having trouble and he had tried to get me back. No thanks. I don't really want to be the cause of any trouble between them, no matter that he says it wouldn't be trouble...but still...nope. I still care for him enough as a friend to know that we need to keep our friendship on a very casual basis.
He also invited me out to some bar that he does karioke at...I don't know if I will go or not. I wouldn't mind hearing him sing again...he always had such a beautiful voice. But the karioke night is during the week and so Larry would be working. And truthfully, while I did not get any sense that Lee was "making a pass" or even feeling anything in that way towards me, I still would not want to give him the impression that I would be willing to "meet" him anywhere without someone else being with me. Perferably my hubby. *wink* I suppose if I could find someone to go to this little bar with me, I might go at least once to hear Lee sing, but I definitely wouldn't go alone. I just couldn't do it. It wouldn't feel right.
All in all, I came home wishing that Larry wasn't working so late. I want to give him a big hug and just tell him how much I love him and how happy I am that he is my husband. Seeing Lee tonight really sort of laid to rest that final fear that I had...every relationship I have had with a man has always fallen by the wayside whenever Lee would bounce back into my life. It is so wonderful to finally know for sure that I am totally free of him. I have always worried that someday Lee would show up and like a dumbass I would end up back under his spell, and end up screwing up yet another marriage. Even though I KNOW that I love Larry, that fear has always just somehow been in the back of my mind. And now, for the first time in more years than I would wish to count, it is gone. poof! Just like that.
What a day!
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