so disappointed
well i can't sleep... t's already almost 5am cuz of daylight savings...
so a lot has happened since i last updated, even though it was only about a week ago. i was done with my last midterm (for this first round) on friday of last week, so that night, i went back to san jose and hella drunk with the friends and with katie... and like silas had called me while i was drunk so i picked up and like he seemed upset that i was drinking, god knows why, his ass drinks too. but anyways so we kinda argued the next day then i came back to berkeley on sunday and we made things better and went to sf zoo and things were all better... then the next day we were having lunch before i had class and i was texting my old coworker from when i worked at wamu cuz he said he was gonna come play tennis against berkeley and wanted to meet up or whatever so i was texting him back and silas got all butthurt (i guess it didnt help that i was giggling at the table) cuz i was texting or whatever. and i know it's rude to do that but c'mon, we were about ready to leave anyways shit. so like then after that we were kinda irritated by each other so we didnt talk for the rest of that day then when he did call me the next day, we got in an argument and of course we patched things up. then he came over to my apartment that night to sleep over and i was wearing just my boyshorts and a tanktop cuz we were in bed about to sleep and i bent over and had my ass up in the air so that i can pick up the wire for my phone charger so i could charge my phone, and he goes "what are you doing?! why dont you cover up" and i got so pisseddddddddddd so we got in an argument and i told him i know he thinks i'm sleezy cuz the way i act sometimes, but i'm NOT. before him, i was celibate for a good 6 or 7 months, but he always judges me just cuz he sees the way i am when i party and how i'm charming and flirty with guys or whatever. and so he sad sorry but i was still mad because he made me feel stupid like i wanted him to be impressed by me bending over so we went to bed and he was all hugging me or whatever. dumbass.
so we were doin good til i went out thursday night cuz this was my first week free from midterms/presentations for the last 3 weeks! and i wanted to finally go out and so like the first thing silas asked me was if i'm gonna drink and i said i dunno maybe, and he goes "most likely" so i just ignored his comment and i went out with my friends that night. the next morning i called silas when i woke up and things were ok but later that night i was gonna go clubbing in sf with friends from san jose and berkeley and i guess he got upset cuz he wanted to hang out with me, but i blew him off... um anyways so like today he wanted to go to pier 39 with me in sf, but i told him i had to study a chapter before i do anything hehe then he found out i went to a party at pi lam cuz i walked to his frat at like midnight and i was buzzing so of course he was mad, and i asked how come hes been so mean/bitter/mad at me lately and he said that HE was disappointed in me and i told him to give me a break cuz i just got done with the first round of midterms and presentations, and he was like "you know what, i think you make up all these excuses cuz you arent even mature enough to be in a relationship" and blah blah blah and saying all these stupid weird things and i told him that this is it, we obviously can't see eye to eye on things... so i left and i went back to the party and drank my sorrows away lol no jk, but i did try to have fun... came back to the apartment tonight, and then i vented to alex about silas and she told me that he did talk to her like a week ago and he said that he doesnt know what to think of me when i drink, like if he should trust me cuz sometimes i make myself seem like i'm available and like im easy... and she told me she told him he shouldnt think like that or ever say it cuz hes totally wrong, and it's totally insensitive so he said he won't think like that anymroe or whatever. so after hearing all that, i went from being MAD at silas to just being upset and disappointed. i mean i totally let myself be myself around him, and he looked at me so differently. it's like when we're both studying together or having lunch, we're good... but before/after we have sex or like when i joke around about certain things AND when i drink, he would look at me differently. i remember this one time before we had sex he was like "is it gonna be that easy?" and i thought it was a joke at the time, but looking back on it, he might've been serious. but i dunno maybe he was asking for more foreplay lol, cuz that wasnt the first time we had sex... so that comment wouldnt have been relevant... but anyways. i'm done with silas... we were just two very different people to begin with. i can't even be myself around him. and i bet you he's gonna try to call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whatever... i'm gonna try to sleep now... maybe i'll finally get back to the guy who's been trying to get at me :]
ok goodnight all.
(Read comments)
|
