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seeeee, i said i'd update more, and here i am! well i went to my sister's house in the afternoon to hang out for awhile, and then i brought my niece to Borders at Santana Row. not a good idea. i figured i'd get in some studying time but i had to watch my niece the whole time! so i ended up staying there for only two hours and i was SO tempted to go shopping around there... but muffin was getting hungry and so was my niece so we came back home and i let her watch dvds while i studied. i left two articles i had to study back in santa cruz, but i found them on nytimes.com lol. anyways. so for the past hour i've been looking at jeans online. i'm still into skinny jeans! and i've got ALMOST ALL OF THE GOOD BRANDS but i want more. true religion, seven, citizens, diesel, hudson - you name em... they make my butt look big, and that says a lot since i'm skinny and i'm white =( lol. anywayssssssssssss. i guess i'll update about stephen. so the day he got to seattle, he called me that night. then i confronted him. the problem was that once he had heard i got into Haas, he was making much more of an effort to talk to me and come see me or make plans for us to meet up. and it frustrated me, annoyed me, upset me... because the fact that he knew come August, we'd be going to the same school, perhaps living within walking distance. and it upset me because when we were an hour and a half away from each other, he didn't feel like making an effort. so maybe he isn't the "long distant" relationship type of guy. but that tells me a lot. it tells me that he doesn't have good communication skills (when it comes to relationships), it tells me that he doesn't like to make an effort when it isn't necessary... and it tells me that the whole time we were together, he NEVER EVER tried just because i was miles and miles away!!! how unfair is that. i'll admit, we weren't the best at communicating - and that's on both ends. we talked on average twice a week, saw each other two times a month and we just weren't CRAZY wanting to be with each other every damn second. yeah we were in love, but we had other priorities, but even through that... it was me who went to see him that two times a month. he was mostly always the one calling me, but that's because it became routine when we had first started going out (which i should mention, last week would have been our two years lol). i'd call him, he'd be busy and not pick up and call me whenever he wasn't busy. so we got used to that. dude, seriously off track... wth was i talking about? oh his lack of effort. and so now that i'm going to Haas, all of a sudden he's coming to santa cruz and taking me out to see a movie? he's making plans to visit? he's calling me? what if i didn't get into Haas?! so i confronted him and of course we argued a good three hours until it was 3AM and i had class the following day! we talked about the break up, about EVERYTHING. i really finally got to say how i really felt... and he triedddddd to understand, but then he'd defend himself and that started another argument in itself. but anyways. so he called me the next day and apologized for everything... and he got REALLY open about his feelings and in return, told ME everything. i'm afraid it might be too personal to get into what he said, but he said he was still in love with me. funny because when we had broken up the first time in November he had said that he felt like we were falling out of love. so of course i mentioned that =) lol and we talked and talked again until the wee hours of the morning... and we had to continue it two nights later and we finally talked about everything imaginable about our relationship. i found out he dated while we broke up lol. he dated ONE girl and uhhh slept with a few, i won't say how many :x he wasnt two thrilled about the logistics of my dating either lol. so, i guess we really worked things out and it's unfortunate, because i'm a little hesitant. i don't know if i want to get back with him so soon after our talk. we've been broken up for six months - that gave us both much needed space... i dunno. i know my options are out there, so i know we get back together it's not because i have no potential with anyone else! but there's just that possibility. i'm only 21 for god's sake! ahhhhhhhh i seriously have got to get back to studying! that felt really good to type lol. my mind feels so uncluttered now. wow =) well i'm gonna go through the rest of my notes for my environmental econ class, and i'm gonna go to bed. i gotta get up early tomorrow so i can go to breakfast with my mom and get to studying soon after! ah finals suck! goodnight all. Post a comment in response: |
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