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A hott married mama! (alternatvespike) wrote,
@ 2004-02-28 23:46:00
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    Current mood: happy
    Current music:The Stills "Yesterday Never Tomorrows"

    don't make me get the hose!!
    so i just got home from work and I was surprised as hell when I realized I made $78 with only working 5 hours! Oh yes I'm awesome! See my job is so much better than being a stripper because I keep my clothes on and make about the same! So Boo Ya! Wow haven't used that in a long time. Today I realized that my job has so much drama, its like the Real World. There is a group of us that along perfectly well and I've noticed that even them are talking shit about some people. I'm like the only one who gets along with everyone. Just suck it up and don't listen to what other people say. I guess that's easy for me to say because i'm just so lovable! HEHE! Well I hate when I'm at work and I feel like people don't like me just because they don't talk to me. Am I the only one that feels that way? I mean how is it that I am so conscience about everyones feelings? I remember working at Applebees and hating every day I went in because people were so mean to me there and I know why! I don't want to sound full of myself (and trust me I hardly do) but they had to have been jealous. I would hear from other people bitching because I was "too happy." When I heard that I was flabberghasted that there is such a thing of someone being too happy. All I did was go to work make awesome tips and talk to my friends. I'm still irate about those damn people. Well last night I went out with Jill and we went to Cactus Jacks and played pool and SkeeBall and I won hella tickets! We were also drinking and its just so funny to try to act normal because you cant do it! Well this girl that hangs out with Jill came up to hang out, she was really cool. Well let me explain something first...when I was a senior I started dating Stephen and got adopted into his group of friends and I thought I was so happy. That's when my addiction to xtc happened and that's when my depression peaked. I was so numb that I didn't know how much Stephen used me. Well on Prom night he was supposed to go with me but I hadn't heard from him the whole week before and he didn't know what was going on so I called Berratt a few days before and as luck would have it he was going to Prom on Sat. night and mine was on Friday! How awesome! Well he came and Stephen never showed up and that night I found out some horrible things. He had been cheating on me the entire time and he was already going out with someone else!!! What the fuck!! So Jill's boyfriend Tim is best friends with Stephen(which is retarded because all he does is use people!!) and after I broke up with his ass lil miss Shannon was then adopted into the group and everyone just loved her more than me. Which was upsetting at that time but now I think about it and I'm like that was the best thing that could have happened to me. Well Tim and Jill hang out with Shannon and it has upset me to no end! Not because I want Stephen but because Jill is my best friend how dare someone try to steal her away. But I kept it down for a long time and then last night, after drinking heavily, I began talking to her about it. She explained that Shannon has not said one thing bad about me and she even was worried about Kylee when she was sick. The thing is she has no reason not to like me! She was the one who (Thank the Lord Almighty) stole him away. But it made me feel better to know that Jill wouldn't hang out with her if she did say anything. Now lets get to the funny part! Stephen would never call me or anything unless he had nothing else to do but to hang out with me. Haha, now he is doing the same damn thing to the new one! That poor girl actually thought and still thinks that she can change him. I know he has cheated on her because once a player always a player. The girl that came up to the pool hall asked Jill if I was his ex and Jill was like yup. Well then I started talking to her and I began talking about Chase and telling him how wonderful he is and she looked at Jill and she was like, "What do you think about him?" and Jill was like, "He is the perfect guy. The guy you have always dreamed about and the perfect guy to take home to mom and dad." And really that is him. He is the only guy that has put up with my shit and sure he's tested me but he was always there to make sure nothing bad happened. I feel so lucky that I can't truly be happy with it because I worry so much that I'm going to lose it all. On my long drive home I listened to the Stars CD and I cannot put that thing down. I have to listen to it like 24/7 I just can't get enough! And this song "Look Up" says, "Look up keeping it together is enough..." and so many truths are in that one line. Sometimes just looking like you are calm can be worse than being desheveled. And I would look up at the stars and its crazy how things change so quickly...My dream last night involved me being outside and looking up at the sky and I saw 4 moons and the stars were revolving it. It was so scary. I've had dreams about death and crazy shit but for some reason when I have dreams about the sky they are crazier. I don't understand how that can be. But I'm extremely tired...see ya

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