|Current mood:|| worried|
Why wont you love me
Hey guys, I feel like shit. Okay people like Jesse and Jodi and Matt Flanagan and Lisa and Spanky just everyone tells me that I shouldnt let him hold me back. And other's say that if I really love him, and even if he dosent love me then I should try what ever it takes to stay with him. I do try what ever it takes and I have. I have put up with so much shit. He never calls. So 2day he had school so I waited for him to get home and I call him. And his mom answers n then gets him...
Ray- Hello? (in that confused cute voice)
Shelli- Hey! (Happy voice that is like wow I am so fucking happy 2 hear your voice)
Ray- Hi. (like wow happy to hear you 2 but don't feel like talking to ur fat ass)
shelli- How come you havent called? (Angry voice, holding back tears
Ray- I have been busy. Look let me call you back I am putting my futon together (Voice that is like o shit I got cought in something)
Shelli- OMG Ray do you still even want to be with me? I mean jesus christ Ray Why dont you love me n e more. Am I that bad? (Now crying and hardly breathing b cuz I know what is coming up, I try real hard not to breath so I dont inhale my tears n choke on em)
Shelli- Ray? Ray? RAY! NnNnNoOoO (Now screaming at the top of my lungs and punching the walls and screeming go to get knife and slice wrist.)
Then the phone rings and they hang up. Then it rings again and no caller ID name or number I pick up...
Hello? Hello? Hello? OMG HELLO then they hang up.
OMG okay I know I fucked up but why is it always me? Brad wants to get back together with me but NO. I have made up my mind. NO. I hate him.
See people don't understand how much I love this fucking man. Why can't he love me? WHY? I just want him to love me so much. I hate this fucking shit. Why dosent any one love me? What did I do to have to live like this. Why can't he call me then we would be alright.
God just writing this shit makes me wanna slice again.
See people always are like what good would come of slicing. I love the pain. It makes me feel good. It relieves my anger and takes my attention off hurting n e one else.
Well I have to go, I gotta see who I can call 2 spend the fucking night at my house. I am so fucking bored and sick and sad and depressed!
o0o one more thing I got another screenname it's iNeedRay2LuvMe