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Shelli (allfuckedup666) wrote,
@ 2004-03-28 00:16:00
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    Current mood: rejected
    Current music:Usher BURN

    You know everybody calls me a whore and a tramp, but they don't know the real me! See you see me smiling and shit but is that a real smile. Or is that just a smile that I paint on my face every morning b4 I n e body see's me and I take off b 4 I go to bed. The man u love dont even want you, they tell me "Your father dosent even want you." It must be hell running after a man who dosent even love you, he loves some one else. Ray dosent want me. EVERYBODY knows I stay up all night waitin for him. HE HATES YOU HE HATES YOU. Thats all I hear. He dosent love me. ME! He's in love with some one else. He's in love with someone else and it hurts. It's killing me. I can't take it. WHY CANT SOME ONE LOVE ME? ME? ME? I want some one that I can come home to and call. Some one I can have a future with, I don't want to be a little girl any more. I want some one who can love me and I love them back. I want some one who won't lie. I want some one who wants a long happy life with me I want Ray but he dosent want me. OMG I'm cracking up. I cant. I have to keep hiding. I can fool people for a little longer. Ray will be here soon and we'll be together and everything will be okay.

    WHO THE FUCK AM I KIDDING. GET REAL. HE DOSENT WANT ME. WHY WOULD N E ONE WANT ME? I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. IF ONLY I WAS A LITTLE THINER A LITTLE SMARTER A LITTLE MORE MATURE A LITTLE OLDER. THEN HE WOULD WANT ME. THEN EVERYONE WOULD WANT ME. I WOULD BE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL AGAIN I WOULD BE THE SHIT.

    But NO, I have lost everything. My friends, family, dignity, respect, Ray, self esteem, life, my soul. EVERYTHING! I can't take it n e more. I want him so bad, why dosent he want me.

    My whole life ppl make me feel like shit and what do I do, I take it. And I take everything inside and I burry it deep. I am so fuckin depressed and I have been thinking a lot about shit I can do.

    #1 I could move to Virgina
    #2 I could move to Maryland
    #3 I could stay here and keep being the way I always have been
    #4 Rockferd
    #5 Kill mI self
    #6 Run away (to where I dont know)

    God why am I like this. I hate it. I hate me. I hate life. I love ray so much. why cant he love me? Why? Am I that bad. Please god WHY?



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