alagbon419 (alagbon419) wrote, @ 2003-11-23 20:56:00

something Jess sent me
Jess got this from someone, and recommended that I fill it out. It sounded like a rather amusing thing to do.


If I were a month I would be: November, when things get nice and cool out.

If I were a day of the week I would be: Sunday, when they show a good number of weird cartoons.

If I were a time of day I would be: Mid-afternoon, when it's best for walks and whatnot.

If I were a planet I would be: Tralfamadore. (Vonnegut rules!)

If I were a sea animal I would be: a giant squid.

If I were a direction I would be: North.

If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Marcel Breuer's famous "Wassily" chair.

If I were a sin I would be: lust.

If I were a historical figure I would be: Rinzai, founder of the most vicious and bizarre school of Zen. Thwack!

If I were a liquid I would be: Cantillon Gueuze (Belgian lambic beer).

If I were a tree I would be: #5, the Larch.

If I were a bird I would be: a Javanese Rice Finch. I dunno why.

If I were a tool I would be: a socket wrench.

If I were a flower/plant I would be: Hops.

If I were a kind of weather I would be: overcast.

If I were a mythical creature, I would be: an odradek. (http://www.hum.au.dk/romansk/borges/vakalo/zf/html/body_the_odradek.html)

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: an early Moog synthesizer.

If I were an animal, I would be: a badger. I've always liked and identified with them for some reason, simultaneously friendly and antisocial with a liking for undergroud places.

If I were a color, I would be: infrared.

If I were an emotion, I would be: a sense of aloof amusement.

If I were a vegetable, I would be: Nappa cabbage. Mmm, kimchi...

If I were a sound, I would be: a rather low-pitched hum.

If I were an element, I would be: one of the lanthanide group.

If I were a song, I would be: well, it would change a lot. Currently "Bedward the Flying Preacher," a cautionary tale about blind religious faith by Jamaican DJ Prince Far-I.

If I were a movie, I would be: anything by Eisenstein, Kurosawa, or Tarkovsky.

If I were a book, I would be: Finnegan's Wake. Interminable and baffling.

If I were a place, I would be: the Kalakuta Republic, musician/dissident Fela Kuti's compound in Lagos, Nigeria.

If I were a material, I would be: tweed.

If I were a taste, I would be: curry.

If I were a scent, I would be: aloe-wood incense.

If I were a religion, I would be: Either Taoism or Zen.

If I were a word, I would be: crapulent.

If I were an object, I would be: a hydrometer.

If I were a body part I would be: the elbow.

If I were a facial expression I would be: bewildered.

If I were a subject in school I would be: English. Or, depending on the school, Advanced Yoruba.

If I were a cartoon character I would be: My namesake Bender. I drink beer, smoke the occasional cigar, and am frequently sarcastic; and I was doing so before Futurama was on the air. Bite my shiny metal ass!

If I were a shape I would be: the Shining Trapezohedron. Ia Cthulhu!

If I were a number I would be: 65. No idea why, it was what first came to mind.

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