|Current mood:|| stressed|
|Current music:||Don't You See by Sonic|
Sometimes people are so emotional it drives me crazy, but then again who am I to talk...
I swear everyday I get more and more bogged down. Between school work and friends, I don't have time to rest. Band keeps me until 7:00 almost every day and pre-cal, ap english and world geo gives me assloads of work each day. Not to mention my friends. I love my friends to death, they mean more to me than life itself, I care more about them than my family, but I do think that is the problem. I care about my friends so much that I ignore my homework and my family and my precious 2-hours of sleep so that I can attempt to solve their problems that bring them down. Not to mention that my emotional life is less than perfect and i have my own problems to worry about, but these of course go to the bottom of my screwed over priority list and I concentrate on the 'more important' things in life. Hell, the other day my parents threatened me that I wasn't going to go to college if I didn't set my priorities straight. My response: like that will happen. My anemia is back in full force, I only get 2 hours of sleep each night, I need new contacts causing me to get headaches all the time, and my emotional life is gong haywire beyond belief right now yet I find myself putting all of these things on the back burner. I can hardly function these days. I broke down at lunch the other day, thank God that Patrick was there to lean on and take some of my burden away.
And as if my life isn't enough screwed up my mom and I fight everyday. It is an endless battle, it never stops. I wake up we fight, I get home we fight, before I go to bed we fight. It just never ends. It's getting to the point where I am used to and expect these fights which in my opinion is very sad. I even find myself getting stressed over the one thing that can truly make me happy these days: James. Damn to hell indecisiveness. Though we don't argue or fight a certain amount of tension is sometimes there. I suppose because we are both indecisive people. Neither of us want to make decisions causing both of us to get frustrated. I am so happy to be around him and when we are together everything is great. But it is those moments when we are on the phone or online trying to decide something or another that this tension happens. I love him to death, I really do. He can make me smile no matter how upset I am and spoils me rotten :o), but i still feel stress.
This intense stress on my whole person has begun to affect my physical health. I have gotten sick, hell I've been sick for weeks, and I can't get well. My imune system is working as hard as it can, but the conditions I am putting my body through right now is causing it to go on overload. *rubs temples* I just don't know what to do. Like I told Patrick: I just want to go away for like a week, totally alone, just me. I just need to be away from all of this and then I might be prepared to take on these challenges once again. I feel so pathetic, like I should be able to handle all of this. *sigh* What a waste...