| Current mood: |  determined |
| Current music: | lifehouse - no name face |
brighter days will come
Feeling much better today. Last night jer came home late. he worked a extra hour trying to make some money for our vacation next week, I was feeling pretty bad and lonely. We we went to bed and talked for a while and then he wanted to fall asleep and I got upset because I only spent a couple of hours together again. I aired out my problems and concerns and he asked me if I wanted to go back home. I was a little taken back that he asked me that but I know he has my best interest in mind. which is comforting to me. My answer was of course no. He asked my if I liked it better there and I told him I preferred the living situation but I can't be without him. He's the reason I left and he'll be the reason why I stay and I am sure things will improve over time.
When he offered to send me back home it meant a lot because I know more than anything he wants me to stay here with him. He wants us to get married and start a family and be together. he's become my family and no matter how rough things get sometimes I'll stand by him. The fact that he would be willing to let me go reassured me that he has my best interest in mind and that I come first.
I'm a little worried that my emotions run so wild sometimes. I don't think I am settled here and once and a while I am just not sure how to deal with all the change and confusion.
This Tuesday we leave to go to Illinois for his brothers wedding. I am nervous to say the least. I am hoping this goes ok. It doesn't really matter if his family likes me, I just don't want them to dislike me. But I know it's got to be one or the other. They don't know we're engaged and that's a separate issue all on it's own. My biggest fear with this whole ordeal would be to be if jeer goes off to do something and leaves me in a room with a bunch of people who hate my guts. I'm going to try and take it as it comes though and hopefully it will all work out. The driving part doesn't seem like a lot of fun, but maybe being alone in a car for over 17 hours might the a good thing.
I'll do my best to look on the bright side from now until we return. I think jer needs a break from my crying and complaining. I have to stop focusing on the past and deal with the present. I feel like a big part of me has a lot of growing to do. There is going to be good times and bad and I can't always collapse under the rainy days. it's easier said than done but I am determined to work everything out, even with no help or support I think I may be strong enough to take this on after all.
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