does the grieving process take years to overcome?
there's a lot of things that I've been thinking about lately. about him, mostly (even now I can't even type the name without breaking into tears), but also a new worry.
Aiden's in love with me.
it's.. not really that I'm offended by it, or unaccepting. I wonder what that feeling's like, to feel hopeless regarding the reciprocated romantic affections of another. I love Aiden beyond reason. I've bonded with him faster and deeper than anyone in years (excluding him), and for those who know me, I rarely bond to anyone beyond a casual conversational level.
but he's in love with me. I don't want him to be hurt by it. I don't want him to ruin his pre-existing relationship with his boy. the letter he sent me positively flipped my heart in a few directions, because I know he meant it. we understand eachother, and that's half of the problem.
just.. whatever presiding force is listening, don't take Aiden from me, too. please. don't take away his understanding of me. I'm terrified that someone can know me so intimately, though at the same time, I want him there. I'm pleased if he says that he misses me because it's the same for me, too.
pfft. melodramatic rambling, huh? it's what journals are made to do. move along, nothing to see here.