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Monica (a88lefty) wrote,
@ 2007-04-05 00:16:00
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    Current mood: sad

    I Think I Jinxed Myself
    So in my last entry I said things haven't been bad, well they just got worse today. Joe was getting all pissy with me and what not. All he did was constantly attack me. It seems like a lot of people have been doing that and not only to me but other people as well. At least there isn't any school on Friday and most people will be leaving tomorrow. Things will hopefully calm down a little bit. But I'm sure for me they will probablly get worse since someone has been being rude and accusing me of things I didn't say. People get so worked up over everything. Obviously some things are supposed to be left unsaid. I see this in soap operas all the time. There is usually one character who has the big dark secret and they do everything to not let it get out and always at the end it does. I think I only ever kept one secret from my mom. Everything else came out into to open. It is so weird how that one secret is shared with my brother. I'm still surprised my mom doesn't really know, she knows the story but not the cause of it, I guess thats one of the ways I can put it. Anyway secrets come out one way or another. It is just the matter of when you want it to come out. I realized today that people don't know me as well as I thought they did. It is hard to find someone who understands you. Also I learned that no matter who my friends are I am never trusted and always the last to know things. Its not like I will look down on the person or say what I'm not supposed to say. But there are always other people who mess things up for me so it seems like I will look at that person in another way or that I can't be trusted. People assume too much these days and they are impatient. I"m just really dissapointed in one particular person right now but he says he should be pissed with me. It is like I can never win, I find myself stuck in the same place I was at four years ago. Some things I guess never change. I guess no one will really understand me. I always thought I found some people who did, but they were just close and not quite there. I can't help right now but to think of the people who I was really close with. But something always happened and they just left. I think that might happen again sometime soon since obviously a lot of people are supposedly angry with me. I feel like crying right now but I don't know why. I didn't do anything wrong for people to get angry with me. But thats just my life I guess. People just get mad at me because they can. I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one who people can attack the easiest. I just try to be a good hearted person. Alright I'll probablly just ramble on for who knows how long, I"m done, and I stopped before the tears almost fell.

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