| Current mood: |  depressed |
Same Old Shit
I don't know how I got sucked into drama again but I did. People think I'm stupid, but I'm not. I'm smarter then what a lot of people give me credit for. Sure I act immature but I take school seriously. I don't think anyone at schools understands me at all. People say they are my friends but I know who my true friends are. A lot of people here are self centered. I guess thats what college does to you. Besides it only gets worse from here because then you start meeting people in your major and then the next thing you know you are going head to head with them for a job. it seems people will do anything to get ahead and have control. I saw this and still see this in one particular person, Favis. He wanted more friends and wanted a place to "belong" so he joined a frat and stopped talking to me along with onther people who really cared about him. I try not to offend people or get them angry but when I start feeling miserable and like crap then I have to do something. The greatest thing I have learned about being true friends with someone is that they can tell you the truth to your face and you can tell them the truth to their face and the two of you are still friends. You don't hide shit from your friends. When you keep secrets then there is no trust and friendship is based on trust. I have been screwed over so many times, and yes I always have my guard up. It is a good thing I do because there are liars all around me. No I'm not paranoid, if I was I probablly wouldn't talk to anyone. I don't know it is just that I have had a tough life up to this point and no one here really knows that. They just know some of the things but they don't know the whole story. I guess the only person who knows would be Jen and possibly Damian, but for sure Jen. But if people could put themselves in my shoes maybe they will understand a little better. As always people spread rumors and lie. Mostly decieve and manipulate. I have decided I'm going to let people talk their shit but if I am asked for the truth I will give it. I really wished I lived in a world with no drama and lies. But I don't think there is a world like that. I just have to make the best of things but I will not let people walk over me like in the beginning of senior year. That I think were the worst times of my life. But I'm glad I don't associate myself with that group of people anymore. It really damaged me and it hasn't healed yet. A lot of things still haven't healed and I'm waiting but I don't think they ever will.
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