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Viggo (_viggo) wrote,
@ 2003-08-23 01:47:00
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    Current mood: restless

    and so he left...
    I couldn't even recognize Orlando anymore. It was scaring me. I felt myself beginning to even hate the person he was becoming, until Johnny stopped it... and I don't know why. I don't know why he did that for me, for us. It amazes me that after how hurt he was, he still put us first... and I guess that's why I never understood how Orlando could leave him in the first place. I never will. That's always going to bother me...

    I yelled at him. I told him how I saw it.. how I just couldn't understand it. I let him know some things. I told him a lot that needed to be said, but that Johnny would have never said to him... He doesn't seem to stick up for himself too well in that kind of situation. It's heart breaking, really...

    But then, he did something that I wasn't quite expecting. He took the anger from me. I don't know how he did it, but he did... and then he left, reassuring that it was for the best. Even as he was leaving, which I know had to be killing him, he was focused on me. I don't know why the whole mess doesn't work. I guess there's too much against us to let it happen... but it tears me up inside knowing he's the one who ends up alone in the end. He'll stay strong through it, I know, but inside, who knows what he'll be feeling deep in him.. The man can hide things better than a bottomless pit.

    He gave me my Orlando back, and to that I am grateful... I'm just sad that he has to separate himself in order for it to work out... and I'm sad that Van is such a bitch. *sighs* I wish there was a different way. I honestly do. I'm glad that he's going to get his family back... but what if he marries Van? It'll be permanent then.. and he doesn't love her, and he knows it. Acting is one thing, but you can't act your life away.. God, I don't know. I wish it was easier than this...

    I'm going to miss that bloke like hell if he detaches himself from me. God, I will...

    I don't know. I feel sort of torn.. I'm tired. It's just hard to think right now...

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