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Allison (_starupinthesky) wrote,
@ 2004-11-09 16:37:00
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    A star up in the sky, a poem to the dead
    Well I decided to make a blurty journal for all my inside thoughts and feelings. I'm still keeping my livejournal to write about things that go on on a daily basis but I hate writing about private feelings in it. So I guess this is my first entry.

    Right now I'm in a huge dilemna that I can't seem to get out of. Ok, so I'm dating this amazing guy, Gabe. And we've been together nearly five months. Everything in our relationship is perfect. The only thing that's in the way is this other guy, who I don't want to mention. It's highly undoubtful he'd ever read this but I'm paranoid.

    I don't know. Gabe loves me with all his heart. I want to feel the same. When I said ''I love you with all I have'' I don't want that to really mean ''I love you but I also have feelings for another." It's not fair to Gabe. He's great, he doesn't need to go through any of this shit. :(

    I'm really happy as of late, it's just this whole thing is getting to me. I kind of like having someone to look at, though. It's nice playing hard-to-get, when you don't really expect to get anything out of it. Him and I flirt like mad but it's so harmless that nobody even notices it, he probably doesn't even notice it.

    It's just weird. In class I sit there and watch him like a hawk. If I notice he's starting to look my way I turn and sometimes from the corner of my eye I can see him looking back at me . Maybe it's my imagination but it's true. When I know I'm going down a hall he's in and the same time as me or I pass by his locker I can't help but slow down in hopes that he's behind me and he'll call my name.

    The sad thing is that he's the type of guy that I could never imagine going after. My type is the alternative guy, the one who likes loud music and concerts and being outgoing and spontaneous. But I mean, wow. This guy is like everything except alternative but he's still got my attention. Why? I don't know.

    It's a damn good thing Gabe doesn't read this.


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