| Current mood: |  relaxed |
so yeah. fucking tour. i hate it.
We are now in chicago. I haven't slept a wink. I want to go back home. Its driving me nuts. I mean sure I love this whole fame bit. But one of these days its going to come to a screeching hult. It will all be over. and I'll miss it. BUT RIGHT NOW ITS DRIVING ME NUTS. not to be able to walk around in public without being pointed out. Not being able to be around my normal fans. Not being able to go out.. WHEN I WANT TO. And I have to be with Ben all day im joking ben i love you Thank god tysons here. without him i'd surely sit on top of the tour bus while it was driving 500 miles an hour so i'd fly off.
Elizas here. shes been looking a little happier lately. Poor girl. I wish there was something I can do to make her happy. Theres not. Once you have a broken heart it takes days upon days to mend. Sometimes I catch her staring out the window with this look on her face. It makes me wonder. I mean like, why is god putting her through so much pain? She doesn't deserve it at all. Poor girl looks so sad at times. I hope she knows that I'll always be there for her.
As for Jada. She's doing great. Shes so happy and bouncy and giddy. I wish we all had a little of that childish innocene and happiness in us. I see it in Mandy sometimes. Mandy makes everyone happy. Shes got a glow about her, that whenever your around her, you get immidiately filled with energy. Thats one of the reasons why I love that girl so much. You can talk to her about anything. Useless conversations like how does a porcupine fuck, seem to amuse us both.
Brody, let me tell ya shes a funny girl. I think it was last night, Brody, Justin, Alyssa, Ashlee, Trace, and I were all in a chat. I told Brody how much shes my Idol. lol Shes so tough. I mean someone fucks with her and she'll bite their head off. Literally. Thats why I admire Mandy and Brody so much. They both stand their grounds. Until somethin really tough hits them, but they deal with in the best possible way. If only I could be like them.
I see tyson here next to me, and I'm trying to type as softly as i can on my laptop to not wake him up. I think about how much I love him and I haven't felt this way for a long time. I haven't been this scared either. I mean
I don't want to go through another experiance excuse me for mentioning this like kutchers and I. I realize ashton and I we're NEVER EVER ment to be, we're like from different planets. And it all happened so he could be with Jen and I could be with Tyson. I'm kind of thankful all those events went on. I'm thankful for the things he put me through, It made me be more cautious. Not to open up to anyone Unless I know them for a while. I don't know if thats a good thing. It's taken me forever to talk about the events that happened. I finally can. I don't care anymore I'm going to say what I think and not let it stay inside me anymore. It feels kind of good.
Alyssa and Jessi, I want to thank you both for being there through thick and thin. Every problem I have I know I can turn to you. And I know you'll help me out no matter what, same with Mandy or Brody. I kinda feel like you guys are sisters. Ones I never had. And I thank you for that kind of friendship.
These stupid birds outside my window are annoying the hell out of me. I want to throw something at them. My eyes are feeling heavy yet I know I cant sleep. I think I might go skip around and play pranks on Ben while hes sleeping. Thats my Update for today. kind of long. I guess.
Tyson - I love you!
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