|Current music:||"The Brilliant Dance" - Dashboard Confessionals|
She told me the story quietly, her voice quavering as I stared into nothing, my eyes colder than ice, or it seemed that way. I told her to go on, she was so hesitant, so catious.
She knew she was breaking me more and more with every word she spoke.
At at the end of her story, I shattered into a billion pieces all together.
And no one heard me.
I was speechless at first, but then I was just quiet. Deadly quiet.
Quiet is my loudest cry...
Things happened, and I dont know who to believe, who to go to, who to blame. I guess I should blame myself. Blame myself for ever existing. For ever falling for someone. He was my everything, he was my life. I tasted him, breathed him, I saw him everywhere.
Every fuckin place you could imagine.
But things change, and now everythings fucked up. Part of me wants it to be like it was back then. Back then...when everything seemed magical and fairy tales were true. Back when I was sure we would live happily ever after, in a beautiful house with 6 little children. I saw my future in his eyes.
I swear I did.
But the other part of me has already given up. I'm done with the drama, the struggling, the trust issues, the he said she said blah blah blah blah blah. I'm about ready to be fuckin done with life.
I had the weirdest dream last night.
I was running like hell, and it was raining really bad. And everything was so dark. I was running on the side of the road, and my mind and heart were racing. I was crying really bad, and my legs were killing me. I ran to his apartment complex, but I couldnt remember which house was his. I was screaming by this time, and all I could think was "where the fuck is he!?" I started screaming his name, and I screamed so loud that my voice went hoarse. He wouldnt listen to me. No one heard me. My voice echoed in the silence, and I slowly walked to the edge of the lake, crying and staring into the water, letting the rain soak me till I was numb. I took a step into the water, and I woke up and started crying my eyes out. My mom asked me what was wrong.
I just told her I had a bad dream.
I'll write again in a little while. I don't feel so great.