|Current mood:|| indescribable|
I felt a sense of wonder tonight as I sat there, cigarette in hand, watching little wisps of smoke twirl and wrap their way up my fingers, beyond my fingertips and up in to the night sky; vanishing into that temperate, sultry air. I couldn't see the stars... only hints of space through the gaps in the mist of clouds above me. It's so quiet out there.
I can't sleep.
I have Madam Butterfly playing on repeat in my mind. It's a soundtrack for the images I've glimpsed and let sink in tonight. I sat there wondering how one could possibly relate to others what they see through their eyes as an individual. How could I possibly create a portrait of myself sitting there, staring at the burning cherry of my cigarette, whilst I glanced around every once in awhile to drink in the beauty around me? Words can't begin to describe how a single moment can capture so many flavors, so many images, so many smells, so much depth. There is a certain mood that is impossible to capture and relate. I was pondering that just now.. how to capture... how to relate.
We have so much depth. Every living being on this planet is full of so many of these memories and instances in time. Would it be a sin to want to steal some of them and play them over and over for anyone to see? There is so much we have yet to experience.... many things we could learn from others; be it human, or maybe even a gust of wind that travels across a starlit field on a summer night.
I wonder what the moon has glimpsed in its years watching over earth. I could only dream.
It's difficult for me to express these workings of my mind. I could play something over and over again in my head to try and understand it and yet it would slip through my fingers like chilled water. I abstain from thinking like this. I always intend to keep myself busy enough as to avoid deep thought... otherwise I know that I will lose myself in these thoughts and eventually alienate myself from reality. Caught up in the intrigue of that blurred line between reality and dreams and what could be and what is. I feel like I'm floating... so lost and yet unafraid of what is to come, or what is to never come... I'm not sure... but I like this contentment.
I feel so light.