He admitted it finally on Friday night. It was just the two of us, outside the Palace after watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And my heart broke one last time. It was kind of a climactic end to this roller coaster; he had never looked so incredible as he did while watching that movie. He looked so pensive and concentrated, and he cried through part of it. I swear I had never been so in love with him. Then we walked outside and stood in front of the theater. It was humid and rainy out, the lights were bright yellow against the black night and wet street. And we talked about V and stared at a payphone and he finally admitted it. Then he walked me to my car and some guy wanted my parking spot so we had an audience, we hugged and he held my hand and I loved him one last time.
I needed to hear it. As much as I knew before, I needed to hear him say it before I could ever convince my heart to believe it. Just once. Then my phone rang later and I heard it many more times, his voice shaky and gentle. And that was it.
The next night I met him at the bookstore and for the first time, I looked at him as a friend. It was an automatic response, and I was almost shocked at how quickly my feelings had transformed. And on Sunday I saw him again, and we sat on his bed and I helped him write his paper, and I was thinking about his paper, not about him.
Now when I look at him my eyes fall for him, not my heart. I'm letting go, and it feels amazing.
(My rebound? Graham. I get that stupid feeling in my stomach when he looks at me. I want him to ask me to prom. Allison asked me yesterday if I might be interested in going with him, which was coincidental because I hadn't told anyone I wanted to go with him. Apparently when she brought up prom the other day in journalism he kind of looked over at me, and she believes that he wants to ask me. So. We'll see where that goes.)
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