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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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4:50p - untitled
pleading with the dead for my sanity pushing the living away so I wont get hurt again. I listen to the voices saying the dieing words of love drinking from the lips of the needed, as I close my eyes to remember his face. trying to forget the life that was lost. He told the lies that were the truth. How can I forgive the future for the pain of the past? I entered the world as dead as I could! I lived the life they said I couldn't! we were the immortals of the world. Knowing the the secrets of life, we died to be reborn stronger, and better. Now? We are just memories of a past lost.
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6:18p - untitled
BROKEN PROMISES BITTER LAST WORDS HIDEING WHAT I CAN'T SEE... LOOKING FOR A WAY OF ESCAPE. NOT FINDING ONE. RUNNING AWAY FROM WHAT I LOVE DENYING MYSELF, LOVE AND FUN JUST TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY. FOR EVERY THREE PEOPLE ONE IS IN MISERY. LOST IN THE SEA OF YOUR LIES. DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS OF HATE. I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BECOME ADDICTED TO YOU! BUT I ALREADY HAVE, YOUR WORDS HAVE BEEN PLAYING IN MY MIND. JUST LIKE A RIDDLE INSIDE MY HEAD THAT REPEATS ITSELF OVER AND OVER. I'VE GOT IT SOLVED, I THINK,... NOW IS IT TOO LATE TO ANSWER? IF YOU ASK AGAIN I WILL TELL YOU; YES! BUT I WILL NOT BOW AND ASK YOU,... FOR IT WILL NOT LAST AS LONG.... AND YET MY HATERED STILL BOILS AND MY HOPE IS STILL TO BLAME.
current music: MAGICAL BY: FINGERTIGHT (comment on this)
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6:46p - untitled
Bleeding slowly,drifting coldly What is it that I had wanted from this life? Why is it that I had wanted anything to begin with? Misery loves company. Black as ever is my soul. Pure as white untouched snow is my love. What lies! I cannot feel love; that is why it is so pure. I only know painful attachment. I am fond of people, I dare not love them. Once I became close to them, they are taken away. So I close my heart away.., and allow my mind to play. I take after both parents my mothers mindgames I have inherated, as well as my fathers addictions. I have gained all that draws as well as pushes away everyone or anyone. And so... I find that my pain makes me real, so what better way to show it is to bleed. and as I bleed I fade.
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