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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
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8:21p
i am new to this community.
here are a few of my pieces.
please give feedback.
thank you.
My fixed position you will sometime see
meanwhile release me with your golden key
words need not be said
thoughts need not be known
your face spinning in my head
how far your wings must've flown
the place you came from
.. I don't understand ..
Your world is so perfect
and yet mine so complex
the way we fit together
so real and un-defined
the places you've taken my mind
you're why I'm here, in your heart forever
I don't have much to offer you
but I owe something for what you've brought me through
for opening up my eyes
to something not filled with lies
there is so much truth in your eyes
I can pick up on that, and realize
life goes wrong... something in it goes right
seems four steps too long, it's easy if you've already seen the light
and for those who haven't
what do they get for their lives?
Guilt to several crimes they didn't commit
you come from a place where no one hides
your perfect world will never co-exsist with mine
you're too good for them to combine
but the way you make me feel
is something I can't turn from
emotions spill out of me - it's so unreal
all it takes, is one inch of your love..
(comment on this)
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8:34p - - Your God Is Cerebral Masturbation -
the light of hope just flickered out
complete dark, no sound, too weak to shout
bleak, and obsolete, 19 and diseased
I wish I knew why my vision decreased
it's blurry, and focus is getting hard
the beginning is here, this is when it has to start
thoughts falling, mind creeping me out
trying to re-direct myself, opening another route
it isn't working, someone help
I can't stand it, tired of yelling at myself
.. pain sets in ..
I try to scratch away the little pieces
they're only to be replace by bigger ceases
a twitch in my mind is showing through
deadening these sounds, just to try and hear you
prided myself on dragging me down
but this piercing sound, is killing me
fierce, but slow, soft, yet hard
the sound of death, it's drawing near
I've found myself dead, to your cold fear
don't be afraid for me, I don't want your sympathy
everyone's against me, my minds with them, a conspiracy
my heart, killing all things
blistering eyes, feeling each sting
corrupted, feeling alone
I'll take a stand, as I sit on my throne
now, it really begins
I'll repent, each of my dreadful sins
watching myself, going deeper down the hole
dripping myself, eating the ribs I stole
hollow for room, room for pain
I look to the left and the right, everything is one huge stain
my life, is a big mistake
you can have it, it mis-communicates
I've lost control, therefore, lost the will
moving so fast, yet sitting so still
the watcher watches, he begins to see
that inside this dying world, nothing is set free
I can't be me, with myself, I'm scared
but I'll still stand up, and do what you wouldn't dare
I've got no reason to be afraid
this is my ending I've safely displayed
it came sooner than expected
in my heart, seeing myself rejected
I can't cope with the loss of myself
I've done the mistake, and I don't need the help
I am my own god
even if I do consider myself a fraud
it's me, my own fraud, my insides clawed
escaped the dread, catching the dark
seeing the end, but viewing the start
forever paying for this damage I've caused
picture of a gun in my hand, it suddenly dis-charged
I find no more, this isn't me
searching myself to maybe accidentally see
the face I found 2 months ago
insisting I haven't drug myself this low
I tried, to stay alive, lost my will
nowhere to turn, why not just die, do you see me still?
even when I'm right with you I'm so far away
thinking the problem, I convince myself to stay
missing the point, I fall away from myself
getting back up, to find my shelf
lay down, right here, and close your eyes
still surprise myself, on how much it bled
kill him away, here I am, put him to bed
soaring high, but I ain't go wings
needless to say, I hate how much wind stings
the date is due, and I'm starting to run late
should I stay, or try to change fate?
I wish someone could tell me why I hate
everything but nothing at all
on the brink of watching my own downfall
it was said once, and now again
my biggest mistake, was covering my stain
look in my eyes, and tell me you wouldn't do the same
at least I'll go down, in one huge flame
the memories of the dead times we had
I'll have lived to know, not all were that bad
we had it once, and I'd do it again
looking for myself, wondering how to contain
I wish you the best, and nothing at all
if I was there, would you take the fall?
if I hide, will you promise to forget
all my wallowing, surrounding my dis-content
I don't want to know, after I'm gone
I'll be happy to know, that I can do no harm
my head looking down, my vision looking up
1..2..3.. it'll begin with a message interrupt
I found my place, when I'm gone will you mis-place my body and my mind
I'm tired of searching and pain is all I find
what good use is that
I'm a thought not spoken
I'm the smoke you aren't smoking
open the door, the silence is me
look through it, the darkness sets me free
I'm a second alter-ego, set to self destruct
why can't I stop the pain
nothing I do helps, I'll stop to complain
don't listen to me, I'm not worth the words I speak
I'm a fucked up freak
Fuck you all, but don't ever judge me
I could guide you half-way down 'n show you how
after you get there, tell the keeper he's allowed
he'll know what to do and he'll go do it
once he's done, I'll go completely to shit
Fuck myself and everyone around me
in an attempt to show you I'm free
mystical creation
dripping sensation
altered apprehension
physical mis-direction
emotional comprehension
underhand temptation
all can be found in this dying nation
I'm hating myself, and disconcerting others
all pain I've felt
means nothing to myself
crawling around, bleeding bad
trying to find, simple thoughts I had
direction missed, temperature rising
dead body laying, physically compromising
due structure, leading mis-directions
lacking time, cause of procrastination
distance increasing, minds under achieving
overwhelming incompetence, sufficiently incoherent
effective persistence, devious disposition
faulty distinction, common extinction
I look in your eyes, I am the faults I see
my reflection mirror image you don't need me
maybe I should just stay discontent
everyone'll just start to name a concept
61, 14, and the ace of clubs
seeing the distance, and what it's memory does
I'm out not to see
I no longer want what this mind gives me
I hate it, I'm in need of something..
I wish I knew what..
I wish I knew..
I'm alive, but dead inside
I no longer care, there's no reason to hide
by myself and never anyone else
except their body, but never they're own self
someone's true colors suck
I wish I knew the quickest way
so close, but yet so far
out the window, there sits my car
distance clouds, teardrops surrounding trees
the green grass blades, and the pretty green leaves
tempers flare, control over-thrown
tossed around and settled down
learning my quest, to offer the clown
pass it over, peace to me
thinking aloud, but all to silently
(comment on this)
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10:25p
anyone in here ever do drugs?
if so, does this make sense?
yell my name
play my game
tell me the same
make me crave
become my slave
take this cross
divide your loss
curl the hatchet
and try to match it
take the heart
take it apart
detach the string
give me a fling
and feel the sting
distinguish the feeling
focus on healing
feel the bugs
and what it does
look straight ahead
feel like your dead
numb and crawling
weightless and falling
you can't hide it
the taste of shit
your eyes perk out
giving view a shout
focus on blur
never to sure
looking so fast
can't catch grasp
crawling fades
eyes get hazed
movement is eminent
induced is the element
feed the blood
turn it to mud
poke a hole
your breath being stole
speak with your hair
dispose your stare
you can't see
I can't feel me
you stand still
all you kill
through your eyes
everything dies
the rush can't be ignored
the taste fore-warned
the end of your sobriety
never-ending society
drug-abusive and able
served on a golden table
taken with a golden spoon
weaved my golden cocoon
a tidal wave of emotion
a wake of devotion
a current addiction
a dedicated prescription
I was never told
what I'd un-fold
never take it back
when I've lost track
your stomach shrinks
your mind thinks
your hair tingles
your blood mingles
and your throat feels it
the warm commitment
open your mouth
the fire comes out
fall to the floor
get up, and do it some more
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