Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in gothic ~ poetry's Blurty:

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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
12:34 am [zeralot]	Title: But why did she do it? Written: Tuesday, 3 August 2004, 10:59:22 PM Category: Depression, Life Rating: M+15 Note: Depression relating to cutting Title: But why did she do it? I sometimes hate understanding so much as I do I sometimes wish that I could go back to a time Were I didn't know what I do right now Because at least back then I'd have a hope That maybe the is a way out of this understanding what I do I know that nothing can be done Than to just be there when you fall It's not because you hate me Or that fact that you think no one cares Because you know that we do It's just that sometimes it becomes too much and once again we fall By Zeralot
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Friday, July 16th, 2004
4:52 pm [hellkat87]	untitled I look out beyond this small space. and visualize a freedom I do not know. I look for a form of peace... that others dream of. And I fall as I know I drift off into nothingness. Iknow I am alone. others are around me, but I am in solitude.
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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
6:46 pm [hellkat87]	untitled Bleeding slowly,drifting coldly What is it that I had wanted from this life? Why is it that I had wanted anything to begin with? Misery loves company. Black as ever is my soul. Pure as white untouched snow is my love. What lies! I cannot feel love; that is why it is so pure. I only know painful attachment. I am fond of people, I dare not love them. Once I became close to them, they are taken away. So I close my heart away.., and allow my mind to play. I take after both parents my mothers mindgames I have inherated, as well as my fathers addictions. I have gained all that draws as well as pushes away everyone or anyone. And so... I find that my pain makes me real, so what better way to show it is to bleed. and as I bleed I fade.
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6:18 pm [hellkat87]	untitled BROKEN PROMISES BITTER LAST WORDS HIDEING WHAT I CAN'T SEE... LOOKING FOR A WAY OF ESCAPE. NOT FINDING ONE. RUNNING AWAY FROM WHAT I LOVE DENYING MYSELF, LOVE AND FUN JUST TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY. FOR EVERY THREE PEOPLE ONE IS IN MISERY. LOST IN THE SEA OF YOUR LIES. DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS OF HATE. I WILL NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO BECOME ADDICTED TO YOU! BUT I ALREADY HAVE, YOUR WORDS HAVE BEEN PLAYING IN MY MIND. JUST LIKE A RIDDLE INSIDE MY HEAD THAT REPEATS ITSELF OVER AND OVER. I'VE GOT IT SOLVED, I THINK,... NOW IS IT TOO LATE TO ANSWER? IF YOU ASK AGAIN I WILL TELL YOU; YES! BUT I WILL NOT BOW AND ASK YOU,... FOR IT WILL NOT LAST AS LONG.... AND YET MY HATERED STILL BOILS AND MY HOPE IS STILL TO BLAME. Current Music: MAGICAL BY: FINGERTIGHT
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4:50 pm [hellkat87]	untitled pleading with the dead for my sanity pushing the living away so I wont get hurt again. I listen to the voices saying the dieing words of love drinking from the lips of the needed, as I close my eyes to remember his face. trying to forget the life that was lost. He told the lies that were the truth. How can I forgive the future for the pain of the past? I entered the world as dead as I could! I lived the life they said I couldn't! we were the immortals of the world. Knowing the the secrets of life, we died to be reborn stronger, and better. Now? We are just memories of a past lost.
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Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
1:46 am [gothic__vampire]	JOIN amy_lee_slave TODAY!!!
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Monday, April 12th, 2004
6:51 pm [mysterysunshine]	everything crumbles everything falls function stumbles timing stalls losing focus replacing numb completely weak wittingly dumb so alone pitch black neon emerald peeling back intravenous injection lonely pride pointing fingers.. (who).. openly hide sadly beaten so.. pitiful satanic Christ correctly political hurried up slowing down prisoner freedom secretly found oddly normal blistering heat suffering morals truthful treat without hope gaining scars paper demons grounded stars dying dead killing living forceful modesty seems fitting eyes open memory lost haunting past ultimate cost
1 scarmake your mark?
Saturday, March 13th, 2004
7:18 pm [mascara_tears]	Giving Up. I said good-bye to the world and then I threw it all away, I've given up all hope, there was no reason for me to stay, Falling is a sinking feeling that only gets worse when you land, And I've stopped the pain myself, no one gave a helping hand. There was a fire in my heart that's been building up for years, It finally got too great, and that is what I feared, Too scared to go on, too weak to make it end, I excluded myself from the crowd and my own life I did not attend. What I was destined to become just wasn't enough for me, I searched but there was only one way of setting myself free, I tried to find a reason why I should stay here on earth, But the meaning was always empty and I could not fine any self-worth. The world turned it's back on me every time I was in need, There was never a reason to stop, I always continued to bleed, You cannot sit there and tell me that on some level you care, Everytime I asked for help you were simply too busy to be there. And once again I've given up hope, but you've already given up on me, No matter which angle you look at it from, my pain you never took the time to see, Now that I'm gone you're the first one I want to cry, I'll watch you seek pity in others, I'll listen to you tell your lie. You see now that I've seen how you never cared at all, Still I was always there, to catch you when you would fall, I'm underground so when you fall, who will catch you now? I hope your cursed through every verse, to make you suffer was my only vow. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: bad religion - you
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7:05 pm [brokenragdoll73]	i make icons and layouts now so if you want some help on them let me know.
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4:22 pm [brokenragdoll73]	Check out my community for the punx about everything and anything http://www.blurty.com/~punk_wh0res Current Mood: hungry
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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
6:31 pm [death_wish]	Hi im new here anyway here is a poem i wrote please tell me what you think My heart breaks My soul shatters Cold hard metal runs through my body The pain like poisen in my veins The crimson blood flows steadily Trickleing like water Down my arms down my fingers Making a puddle on the floor I'm going over the edge I've been pushed too far Blood spills again Only fear can numb the pain And that is what i lack I'm already dead Not hurting anymore Just trying to free My severed soul Current Mood: depressed Current Music: smile empty soul - with this knife
1 scarmake your mark?
1:15 pm [saving_myself]	My first poem in here. ~Wounded~ i love you bringing the blade across muscles tightning eyes tearing up the blade hits i love you it drags across pulling the skin catching ripping stinging the blood comes rushing out i love you feeling elated i feel like im with you it doesnt hurt anymore it doesnt matter nothing matters except you i love you dressing the wound antiseptic, gauze, tape knowing i can never show you how much i fucking love you
2 scarsmake your mark?
Saturday, February 21st, 2004
12:19 am [specialcookie14]	Anything Better Inside I feel my heart breaking Deep within, I feel my soul shattering I felt the shards cut through my body The pain shot through my veins As I cut along the lines Tearful words emerged All which I knew were true I fell for you Like I always do I’m powerless against you Can’t you see I hate this? I hate the way I love you How I trust you even though I shouldn’t How I turned my back on the ones that care for me Just to be with you Just to touch you Just to love you. I hate the way I need you The way I can’t breathe without you The way I cry when you don’t call When I’m alone Like I always am Like I always will be I hate the way you lie to me You take advantage of my feelings for you All I do is watch silently and cry I cry for all the times I’ve needed you I cry for all the lies you’ve told I cry for all the hurt you made me feel I cry for all the nights I couldn’t sleep I cry for all the disappointment I’ve caused you I cry for all the cuts I made They bleed as I stare I can feel it I can feel the darkness I can feel it claming me Taking me away I won’t fight Just give in Anything is better than this Current Mood: depressed Current Music: into pieces
1 scarmake your mark?
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
3:52 pm [brokenragdoll73]	i made a community for punks with voices!.... please join or at least check it out and tell me what you think of the layout :D its at http://www.blurty.com/community/punk_wh0res thanks a bunch!!
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Thursday, January 29th, 2004
9:16 pm [whatcameforth]	I wish I could say I wrote this, but in fact, it came from one of the best books I have ever read: Once, on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem And he called it “Chops” because that was the name of his dog And that’s what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star And his mother hung in on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo And he let them sing on the bus And his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair And his mother and father kissed a lot And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine signed with a row of X’s and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant And his father always tucked him in bed at night And was always there to do it Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem And he called it “Autumn” because that was the name of the season And that’s what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars And left butts on the pews And sometimes they would burn holes That was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Clause And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot And his father never tucked him bed at night And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it. Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem And he called it “Innocence: A Question” because that was the question about his girl And that’s what it was all about And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her That was the year that Father Tracy died And he forgot how the end of the Apostle’s Creed went And he caught his sister making out on the back porch And his mother and father never kissed or even talked And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem And he called it “Absolutely Nothing” Because that’s what it was really all about And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn’t think he could reach the kitchen.
1 scarmake your mark?
9:16 pm [whatcameforth]	Written in a fit of inspiration and random creativity, this is what my boring brain came up with: where i fell through stepped out today to see the world took a breath and lost my hold let go the ground fell through the sound down passages dark and cold no light through lids tight shut did seep only fear to numb the pain of death defied and hate replied in a mind no longer sane there's only dark to pierce the eyes no walls for hands to touch no up nor down nor all around no power with which to clutch down tunnels to the end unknown with horrors all around this is the hell to which i fell when i suddenly let go the ground nestled snug in pits of flame it't not so bad you see for i crave the fire and love desire which Satan bestowed on me
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9:14 pm [whatcameforth]	I wish I had some beautiful, meaningful, soul-filled poetry to post upon this page, but instead, this is what you get: Why is it that fresh-laid snow will muffle the sounds of footsteps but will not silence choking sobs? Why do we search endlessly for satisfaction when, if we look closely, it’s right at hand? How can we find our perfect mate if we can’t even find ourselves? How long does it take to empty the lungs of every last breath? When will we be allowed to give in to temptation without being ridiculed by the world? When will we learn that perfection is only in the mind? Who in this world is to say when any man should live or die? Who knows why the stars move and we are lost in infinity? Where can a person find Paradise if they don’t believe in God? Where is the end of the earth if the earth is always round? Why can’t we answer the questions that anyone might ask? How can our bodies live while we are slowing dying from inside? When will we be allowed to die if medicine keeps us alive? Who will we become if we squander away our youth? Where will we end up if we choose to die right now?
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Monday, January 26th, 2004
6:54 pm [mysterysunshine]	the pedals bloom into rotten core red tucked into my tomb with every empty word that you said the bee collects pollen and takes it to the next flower but once the bee has fallen the entire system loses power my door is locked nothing shines through my memory has blocked every last picture of you peel it back flap by flap grab ahold of the wheel you steer watch it heal when you sew it back I don't feel the pain 'cuz I'm not really here playing as if we belonged watch as I take center stage and reverse every right I've wronged and in turn let my emotions empty with rage what was I thinking this is the furthest thing from me 'cuz when I'm not around you you whole heartedly pray that I could be seven seas of denial all flow into one big lie but you just glance out the window and let your time drift by
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
7:14 pm [brokenragdoll73]	Oppressed Dolly I really don't know what it is and why I couldn't just stay with him im hoping this will just make us stronger in the end. I just wanna rip my heart out so I cant feel anything I don't want to hurt anyone anymore I don't want to hurt anymore. This whole world is filled with oppression and degration. no matter what you do its never good enough for the public eye. I just hope im doing the right thing. I just don't care. FUCK LIFE, FUCK THE SYSTEM, AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS IT. I realize Anarchy can never be. Yes I realize that chaos itself is a system. The government cannot be broken. just played along with like dolls. I just hope I didn't kill him inside..... but there are some things we BOTH have to understand. I don't think im ready to even be talking.. i think that may be another reason... maybe im scaring myself away from him again. .. im only 16 im I can not be pushed around, I will not be forced I will not be stricken down by the rules ready to plan out my life not just yet... and I don't want my life planned out yet. I don't want my life to be all wrapped up in pretty paper shielded by the world I dont want to be a paper doll in a house of plans. i want to live life as it comes, not play along like a barbie.
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2:31 pm [mar_bluedragon]	my queen i stand here all alone waaiting woundering. i hear her crying screaming from miles away but yet i can do nothing. her radience is ever lasting and beauty is ever matching. and i here her call to come play, she wishes to be with me, and she wishes to have comfert here. but yet i have nothing to give. to think that we are link together would be an understatement, i can feel her pain, i can hear her calls. we have more of a connection then any one else. but yet i can not get to her. she screems to me "plaese come save me!" while im all asleep in my bed at nights. and i can see her truth in the bottom of her heart the she is scared of wut might become. but yet there is nothing i can do. for i the mere pesant has no voice and has no ability. i can not go to her in the way i have become. at night wishing i could go to her and take it all away. but at the same time i wish some one you take m away from this world, so i could not bother those who care so much. to be a child of the night for ever more. to fly with the owls, and run with the wolves, jujst to be a child of the night. but yet she still calls for me and thats all that keeps me around eniogh just to hold on just a lil bit long to the life i have.
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