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Sunday, October 19th, 2003
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12:07 am - Firsts
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lost_in_it_all
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My FIRST hurricane....
I can't believe I lived through a hurricane. When I was living in New York, hurricanes were just a thing of myths that you heard about on TV. Being in one was so completely terrifying. If Ash hadn't shown up.....
Well I don't know what I'd have done. It's funny how much safer you can feel when you're in danger just by being held in someone's arms. It didn't matter that if the cabana had blown over or gotten tossed in to the ocean, I know of course he wouldn't have been able to help me any more than I'd have been able to help myself... but I felt safer all the same.
I'll always remember that night. Not just because of the storm... but moreso because of what happened between us. It was so... amazing. I'm glad we waited so long, because it was more meaningful between us than it would have been before. Not just sex. It meant something. I know it did. I could tell by the way he held me.. and looked in my eyes.
Our first time was special.
He's even called me every night since! We're supposed to go out tonight. I can't wait to see him. I just have a really good feeling about this. Maybe Daddy will even grow to like him after he sees that we're really in love. Love. Does it seem like it's too soon to use that word? I don't think so. I mean... we've been hanging out for like... three months.
And now we've MADE love.... I wouldn't have done that if I didn't love him deep down inside. I'm not like that.
I should start getting ready. He'll be here soon.
current mood:  hopeful
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| Friday, October 17th, 2003
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3:45 pm
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sohidethelast
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The Mexican was leaning forward, hands folded loosely between saddle spread knees, paying close attention to the Gringo. He waited a second, before prompting.
"And den .. she kicked you out, yes? Tha's what you're goin to tell me.. "
Ash smirked, slightly, then shook his head in sheer marvel of his own luck.
"No. We'd been fighting all night, like I said, but eventually she softens up .. Shit I can't even remember what I said or what she said really, but it was something silly and she got over it like that."
Benny blinked, waiting.
"And?"
Ash's smirk made a creeping return.
"And mission accomplished, hombre."
Benito's grin widened, full of flashing teeth, as his friend's eyes glittered black in the dimly lit room. Whatever had been inside Ash .. whatever it was that had been making him all moody and womanish, it was gone now. There was a predatory precision in every muscle, a jailbird intention hiding behind a good natured smile. Benny sat back, nodding.
"'s good to have you back, Blanco."
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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9:51 pm
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highway_vertigo
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I know, it's the greatest cliche in the world, but... seeing as how I've suddenly found myself out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on a beautiful Hawaiian Island... I guess it's only appropriate to start off with "Aloha". Yeah, the roving journalist wakes up in paradise. And for once, it's not just some temporary trip arranged by San Diego at the last minute... I'm not in Hawaii to do a specific story and get the hell back to California before the deadline. No, this was my own spontaneous decision. I packed up my stuff, paid for a plane ticket, I brought this chapter of my life in Little Five Points to a close.
My plane landed just a couple of hours ago, on the island of Molokai. This is pretty much pure, 100% Hawaii... a small, rural island, very simple, nothing flashy or fake or extravagant to throw you off. There's villages, open markets, palm trees, incredible beaches with fine white sand, deep blue ocean stretching out all the way to touch the horizon... The whole nine yards. Paradise in every aspect of the word.
I've checked into a room at the Aloha Rose, so I'm settled for now. I'm looking forward to exploring the island, just hangin' out and taking it easy for a few days. Yeah, eventually I'll have to find an apartment... and fuck, I guess I'll have to start looking for a job, too. I'm still connected to San Diego, though... if they call me up with an assignment, that'll be more money in my pocket. See, an occupation in freelance journalism is somewhat unstable... but hey, I'm not really concerned with stability. I'm working on my own terms, I get to travel... and I can depend on more than one source for a nice, fat paycheck every once in a while.
And you know what? I'm in Hawaii. Notice how the little details in life just seem to melt away when you say that out loud? "I'm in Hawaii. I'm in Hawaii." It leaves nothing to be desired.
current mood: amused
current music: "Rusty Cage" - Soundgarden
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| Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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6:15 pm - So alone...
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exquisitetribut
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*Makayla rested on the cool floor of her one bedroom apartment, listening to the violent winds, the thunder, and the rain. Her head leaned back against her bed as her eyes remained closed, just trying to keep herself in her right state of mind. The power had been on for a couple of hours now, but she preferred the light of her vanilla scented candles...it created a pleasant, and romantic atmosphere. She opened her eyes and glanced around the unpacked boxes and the plain walls of her bedroom. There was so much to do..but what bad timing with the hurricane. At least she unpacked her laptop that was plugged into the wall, but rested on a cardboard box. She checked her e-mail, and replyed to a few..but then she knew, that it was time for another journal update.*
I've been working my ass off at work, a couple of the girls are out sick so I had to do a few solo dances for the crowd. I don't mind since I love to dance..but my hips can only shake so much. Anyways...everything in my life has been the same, working hard, teaching a few tourists how to surf every once in a while. One exciting thing that happened was that I finally got a place to myself. It's a cute one bedroom apartment that's not too far from the beach and work which is a plus. I really want to decorate, I have a few ideas in mind..I just need to find some time to go out and do a little shopping.
Honestly...nothing new has really happened to me, except for one thing. I met his guy Aidan a while back and we hit it off. We got along great, made each other laugh, and all that other fun stuff. But he disappeared into this air. It's been a couple of weeks since I last saw him and now I'm confused with everything. This is pretty depressing...but I'm not going to let it get to the best of me. I'll just do what I have to do, go mingle, and maybe, just maybe, he'll come back. If he doesn't...I don't know what I'm going to do.
*Just as she finished typing her last sentence, she head a loud clap of lightening, and the roar of thunder close by. She turned off her computer then walked over to her bed and sat down with her legs stretched out beneath her. Reaching over, she grabbed the latest issue of Cosmopolitain and began reading the article of "101 Fabulous Sex Tips."*
current mood:  thoughtful
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9:47 am
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sohidethelast
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It'd been raining .. oh, how it had been raining. The racket of Ash clambering up the front steps was lost in the general commotion of something - something unknown, yet decidedly wooden sounding- beating against the side of the house, yet the brief torrent of rain that followed him through the door was not. Benito looked up, caught a gust of filtering mist against his face, and bolted out of his chair to help the gringo with the supplies.
"Holy SHIT, man ... it's crazy out there ... I've never seen this kinda shit.. "
He was drenched in the very absolute way a floundering rat may be drenched, to the point where he only vaguely resembled the creature that had left a half hour earlier. A puddle forming around where he stood was slowing transforming into the likes of a shallow pond, in which Ash was the sole occupant. Benny grabbed the bag from his friend's arms and dropped it onto the bed.
"Did you get it all? News says its gonna be a few days, hombre.. "
Ash nodded, shedding articles of clothing into his personal pond, shivering a bit as the sound of wind battered relentlessly against the walls.
"*sniff* Yeah, got it all .. "
Benny nodded, smiling, as he pulled the supplies from the bag. Michelob, Corona, two bottles of Schnopps, Jack Daniels ... and a bag of microwaveable hotwings. Supplies to weather out the next few days, indeed. The Mexican turned, carrying the goods over to the table .. unable to wipe the grin from his face.
It was going to be a good storm.
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| Sunday, October 5th, 2003
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10:29 pm - HURRICANE WARNING
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island_news
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The Central Pacific Hurricane Center in Honolulu has posted a tropical storm warning and a hurricane warning for the island of Moloka'i, which Hurricane Kayla is expected to hit head on beginning early Monday morning.
At 7 p.m. ET Sunday, Kayla, with maximum winds estimated at near 125 mph, was about 660 miles south of Hilo, on the Big Island. The highest winds are expected to lessen slightly before the storm reaches land. The National Weather Service expects winds of 90 mph with gusts to 110 mph and 9 to 12 inches of rain to hit most of the island through the next 48 hours.
Forecasters advised residents to avoid flood-prone areas. Surf along east- and southeast-facing shores of Moloka'i was forecast to built to 12 to 15 feet with occasional higher sets early Sunday morning.
This is a strong Category 3 hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson scale, and local authorities warn residents to be prepared for flooding, property damages, and power outages that could potentially effect us through the coming days.
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| Saturday, October 4th, 2003
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7:13 pm - One Thing At A Time...
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gena
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Crikey, I've just realised how long it's been since my last journal entry. So much for keeping this one up to date huh? I guess I should try and sum up the last few weeks, so that this diary at least makes some kind of sense when i'm an old wrinkly, looking to reminisce...
Well, there isn't really all that much to tell. I've spent most of it tucked up in bed, whilst convincing myself it wasn't flu and that I was in fact, dying [I really am a wimp]. I was all set to go to England and then true to sods law; I got sick. So Robert was left to sort out his own mess... I haven't heard from him since. I'm still packed though, my suitcase still neatly tucked away beneath the telephone table in the hallway. And I would have already been booking myself on the next flight out of here if it wasn't for Elias' letter.
Yeah, that's right... Elias. I got a letter from him yesterday. In it he told me how much he liked me, about his feelings and that he was somewhat scared by them. It was nice, really nice, hearing him say all those things and a little scary too-even though it's what I wanted to hear. And would you believe it, he's wound up in Cuba of all places; well going by the postmark on the envelope. I wonder what he's doing over there? The name on the return address wasn't his either-Why wouldn't he have just used his own name? He's as bad as Robert, with his letter, telling me to keep it to myself... especially the envelope. I'm beginning to feel a bit like i'm in an Agatha Christie novel. Maybe it's just my overactive imagination, but it all seems to be getting a tad cloak and dagger.
Anyhow, I sent a letter back. Telling Elias the ball was in his court and to "come and find me" [how stupid does that sound?]. At least if i'm here though, in Molokai, he'll know where to find me. So, that's why i'm not going to go to England-at least not just yet.
I'm no Miss Marple, I can only handle one mystery at a time...
current mood: thoughtful
current music: |
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12:15 am - A Late, Late, Late Letter
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gena
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Dear Gena,
I’m so unsure of what I should write in this letter that I don’t even know if I should put dear up there since, well, it wasn’t too dearly of me disappearing the way I did; especially after that night. I’m scared of how you’ll take what I want to write in this, I have so much I want to get off my chest that concerns you, its been driving me insane really as well as making me blush; but that stays between you and me because we can’t have people knowing I go around blush by myself right? I hope you at least smiled after reading that, I’ll never forget that smile…Thinking about it makes me smile actually. And now I think this is starting to get mushy so you know what? The hell with it, I’ll get it all off my chest and whatever happens, happens.
Straight up, I like you a whole lot, Gena; a whole damn lot, since the first day I set my eyes on you on that beach. I hope you know that the times I shared with you are some of the times I treasure most. It’s hard to explain really, just everything about you I get pleasure from: your smile, your laugh, your eyes, that body, those legs and hips, all of you, those lips, your kiss, your skin against mine…us being together like we were that night. Making you happy made me happy. And I have to be honest with you, this scares me because I’ve never felt something so strong like this and I don’t really know what is going to come from it. But I really hope that you’ll at least let me say this all to your face when I get out of here, regardless if you hate me or not. You're like a piece of Heaven!
I wish I could write more, but time is really a factor right now. Oh, and by the way, let’s keep this letter between you and I, especially the envelope that it’ll come in.
Affectionately,
Elias Capri
:: Gena had to read the letter a second time, and a third come to mention it. For weeks she'd got it into her head that all she'd been to him was a bit of fun.. it made it easier if she thought like that. But now, here he was telling her how much he cared.... But what good was it, when he was all the way over in Cuba?
She set the brown envelope and stained sheet of yellow paper down onto one side of the breakfast table, where she sat. Leaving her free to pen her own letter... The silver fountain pen glided over the white paper and the words soon began to pour out, flooding the page with black ink. ::
Hello stranger,
It's nice hearing from you again, a definite surprise, but a nice one. I was beginning to think I'd never hear from you again. How are you? How's Cuba for that matter? I could go on forever asking questions, not least why you left the island so suddenly. But you came clean with me, so I guess the least I can do is return the favour.
Truth is, I miss you Elias. I miss being around you and the way you make me feel. I've tried not to, believe me. I tried so hard to tell myself that we were at best a good one night stand, and if you hadn't of wrote to me I might have even been able to convince myself that it was true... But you did and I wont lie, I was more than miffed when you left Molokai the way you did; especially after that night we spent together. I don't know about you, but for me, for the first time in a long time, whatever we had, it felt like so much more that just sex. Does that make sense? Or have I just read too many romantic novels? Perhaps I shouldn't even admit to feeling like that, I just don't know anymore.
At any rate, I certainly don't hate you, far from it. As stupid as it sounds, cause i'm sure it does-you really got to me Elias Capri. In the space of just a few days you managed to turn everything upside down and while it's scary, I don't want those few days we had together to be the last.
Okay, i've said as much as I want to in a letter, so before I get any cornier i'm going to end my letter here and well, now you know...The ball's in your court.
Come and find me.
Gena.
:: It wasn't the best, but it said enough and first thing tomorrow it would be well on it's way to Cuba. ::
current mood:  surprised
current music: |
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
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11:55 pm - fishing for soup
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frogforsale
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Alright, before i go on, i assure you i'm not a fucking sap. But yeah, I kinda miss having Flicky around to torment. Even if she can be annoying, i can bring it back to her tenfold. I ain't gonna ask around the island , but maybe she left. If she did, its -so- going to piss me off. Leaving without saying goodbye, is beyond rude. Thats ok...I've called on my friend Freddy to come up from detroit, so hopefully he'll take me up on it. Freddy is like, my best friend since diapers. We've been through so much shit together, its not even funny. You have no idea how much damage we can do to this island..its fucking great..finally something to look forward to.
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| Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
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12:38 am - Sweet...
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exquisitetribut
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Ahhh yes...I am really horrible with these journals, but not too many fascinating things happen in my life. The family is doing well...my tattoo has healed very well...I finally saved up enough money to go find a place of my own...people at work love my dancing so much, the drummers started to call me Hi'iaka, or Goddess of Hula, and, well...I guess that's about all that's new in my life. Expect for one, innocent, little thing...yeah, right.
One night I decided to go surfing after work. It was perfect, the waves were rolling in one right after the other, there were only a few people in the water, and everything just seemed picture perfect. I was just chilling in the water on my board with I saw this nohea guy catch a wave, and unfortunately ate it. After I did my thing and carried my board in, he approached me and introduced himself. Come to find out that his name is Aidan, and he's a cop, and he has a younger brother. Once I got a good look at him, his maka nani just blew me away. I don't know, I just have a sweet spot for beautiful eyes, smiles, and arms. Anyways! We went back to his blanket and did a little talking, and getting to know each other. Well I guess to keep this entry rated PG, we went back to his place and "talked" until after the sun came up. It was amazing, I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face...
Life can be so sweet sometimes...Well I'm off, time to go to work.
Ku'u aloha~
Mak
current mood:  content
current music: "My Love is Like...Wo"- Mya
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| Monday, September 15th, 2003
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2:00 am
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loftydreams
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Ryan sighed as he lay back in the hospital bed. The staff hadn't thought his entire 'Gone Fishing' joke had been very funny at all, but at least he came back, right? He hadn't wanted to, but he figured they'd let him out soon anyway. And they did. That morning, the doctor came in and told him that he was looking better, wasn't dehydrated, and he'd be released. They gave him a full five pages of instructions, then let him go. He caught a cab back to the apartment he shared with Flick, threw his stuff on the floor and fell back against his bed, thinking. He abandoned that a moment later to go turn on his computer, and add an entry to his journal.
I don't think I've ever felt like this before. Scratch that. I *know* I've never felt like this before. Jay.. last night, with Jay.. nothing has ever been like that. That was the moment that I hear romantics talk about all the time. Laying there with him, on the beach under the stars.. I realized, moments like those are why we put up with all the bad shit that happens. Moments like those make our lives worth living, you know? He helped me escape from the hospital - just for the night! - and then we went to camp out on the beach. It was nice, we went skinnydipping for a bit and played a quick round of truth or dare, then we just lay down. He kissed me and it was perfect and he asked me if I'd let him make me happy. He asked me if I wanted to be with him, and then acted as though he was the lucky one. There's no way that he's the lucky one here. I belong to him, fully and completely, and I'm so, so lucky that I have him. I don't know if anyone's ever been luckier than I am right now. If this moment could last forever.. I wouldn't need anything else.
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| Sunday, September 14th, 2003
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10:07 pm - I can't believe it..
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dementia_smiles
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Ryan and I are together. It was the most amazing thing. I heard he was in the hospital, so I went to visit him. I took him a teddy bear and some flowers, and we talked for a while. Then he told me to help him escape..so I did, and we ended up running to my apartment a few blocks away. I had been busy with the salon before, so I didn't have time to visit Ryan or Flick..but now that I had Ryan with me, I suggested maybe camping out on the beach.
We took some blankets and pillows and set up a camp site at the beach, and we just..laid around and talked. And then we went skinny dipping. And then we played truth or dare! God, I sound like such a child, but he brings out the best in me. I feel so happy when he's around me..like..everything's perfect.
So we laid together on the sheets and I held him, and finally got up the nerve to kiss me, and he kissed me back. I told him that I could make him so happy, and I promised to keep him safe. He agreed..and told me that he was mine. I couldn't believe it! I'm still so damn happy. I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to tell Flick! I need to go visit her as soon as I can! She probably already knows anyways since Ryan DOES live with her. But yeah, I have to go..run around and scream or something..because things haven't been this perfect in a very long time.
current mood: excited
current music: Aphex Twin- Come to Daddy.
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| Sunday, September 7th, 2003
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3:24 pm - Getting Situated
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reality_rush
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Diego had always envisioned the Hawaiian Islands as something different then what he'd just seen. He'd been expecting a massive greeting from scantily clad Hawaiian women, but instead he was greeted by some old bag man. Obviously his expectations had not been met, but this could be attributed to the fact he'd been sent to one of the more obscure Islands in the region, Molokai. This was necessary as Diego was well aware his enemies had friends everywhere, and choosing the most remote place to live was the wisest idea. After an hour of arguing with some of the airport's employees about missing luggage, Diego headed on out to catch a cab. He'd informed them that if his bags were not found, they would face dire consequences.
What luggage he had managed to retrieve was carefully placed into the old Taxi Cab's trunk. Comfortable summer attire would consist of khaki shorts, a light blue button up shirt[ left unbuttoned, of course ], and sandals on his feet. " Ole', mijo .. Take me to the Aloha Rose. " Always eager to flash his wealth, Diego would reach into his pockets and procure a fat wad of cash. A few bills tucked into the cab drivers shirt pocket, and Diego would grin. " Make it quick, okay? I want to hit the beach today, and maybe a little rumba .. haha! " Though the cab driver probably had no idea what 'rumba' was, Diego would tip him off by engaging in a little mock salsa dancing right outside the vehicle. Stepping into the cab, he'd pass the time by writing in a newly acquired pocket book.
September 7
For the sake of keeping tabs on the bullshit that has been going on in my life recently, I have decided to keep an account of everything in here. I'm in Hawaii, or Molokai. Some little piece of shit Island that probably isn't even worth bein' on a fuckin' map. My papa has persuaded me to take this little trip since the trouble I endured in Bogota. Those Mendoza cock suckers thought they could off me as soon as I got home, but I proved to be more resilient than the assholes they sent to do the job. So here I am, hiding from the Mendoza pigs in some Island shithole. Ah, but I'm not the type of man to complain for too long. I'll make this stay worthwhile, and relax. I'm supposed to be staying in some little motel around here. Papa has suggested I settle down for a while and stray from making any ... 'business' deals while I'm here. Of course, I can't do that. Just the other day I got in contact with an old friend who lives on one of the other Islands. He and I will probably be meeting and discussing things in the coming week. For now, I should get used to the locals and keep my eyes open for any opportunities on this hunk of land.
Stashing the pocketbook away, Diego would get a peek at the Aloha Rose as it came into view. " Amigo, park right there. Don't make me carry my shit too far, you know? " Patting the cab driver on his shoulder, he'd exit the vehicle and fetch his bags. It was time to get situated.
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| Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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2:13 pm
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sohidethelast
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"Ash? Man?"
He looked away from the tv, a tiny 12 x 12 inch screen, at the sound of lawn chair metal scraping against front porch timber. It was a few seconds before he was returned a muffled..
"Yeah..."
Well, you don't live with a guy for a few years without picking up a couple of things, and that voice was reserved for two events - physical pain . . . and legitimate sorrow. And since Ash wasn't one to get down in the dumps very often, Benny had to assume it was the former. Abandoning "The Fast and the Furious", he made for the front porch, propping open the screen door...
"Que paso, hombre..?"
Ash just turned his head, a meeting of eyes, and responded - "Dad."
The Mexican nodded a bit, mouthing a silent Ohhhh.. and turned back into the house. Gotta fetch the man some ice, y'know. Diamond's upper lip was split, no major travesty, but he sported a bloody nose that would require further attention. Been socked good, he had. When Benny returned, he dropped a homemade icepack into his friend's lap before taking a seat in the chair beside him.
"You hit 'im back?" It sounded a bit more like "heet 'eem back", Benito's eyes glancing curiously over at the gringo.
"No. Ish her Dad, she'd hate me", his words still a bit muffled behind the press of washcloth. Well, it wasn't as though Ash hadn't known it was going to happen one of these days. And it's not like he hasn't been punched by a surly father, brother, boyfriend, cousin, etc., in the past. But for some reason it was a bigger bummer with Dakota. First of all, it ruined her cute little pretend game of being Miss Mature. And secondly, this wasn't Georgia, where Ash travelled with a literal pack of guys, willing to back him up .. nor was it Tijuana, where he could disappear into a sea of people and basically escape memory. No, this was a tiny little island, and it was more than likely that Mr. Dakota's Dad was going to run into him one of these days. Or, better yet, hunt his ass down and give him some hassle. Which was fine, he could handle some physical disagreement, but if the guy got his name ... well that just wouldn't do. There was still that pesky warrant out for his arrest, and Dakota wasn't worth jailtime. He sighed through sensitive teeth and pulled the cloth away from his nose, leaving it stained a vibrant red.
"It broken?"
Ash shook his head. He'd had it broken three times in the past ... he knew full well what it felt like. "No, jus' hurts.."
By tomorrow, his face would be a little bruised, lip a little swollen, nose probably trickling ... but otherwise he'd be as good as new. The only trouble was - what to do about Dakota? Probably use a payphone to give her a call would be the best bet, rather than risk a trip to her house. But what then? Her father probably clued her into how old he actually looked, and for all Ash knew . . . he'd successfully convinced her that he was a no good sack of shit.
In which case he would be right, of course, but that spoiled everyone's fun.
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9:00 am - A Plea For Help?
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gena
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Dear Gen,
Did you get my last letter? Then again I guess to have you ignore me is no more than I deserve given our past. But Gena, please, I need to see you, to talk to you, and for reasons I will go into later I don’t want to discuss the details via e-mail. All I will say is that on account of some information that came my way, I find myself fearing for my own safety. Gen, I’m in trouble, big trouble and I need your help… Come home.
Love,
Robert
P.S
Let me know when you’re arriving and I’ll arrange a taxi to collect you from the airport.
- Gena just sank back into her seat after reading that, feeling annoyed, puzzled, utter disbelief… and more. Her sapphire eyes still lingering on the rows of navy blue text displayed on the computer screen she began to rub the back of her neck, with an exasperated sigh slipping free from her lips- “Bloody man.” - He had a nerve. What the hell did he really think she was going to be able to do? She was a personal trainer, not a Scotland Yard detective. Surely a stop down at the local police station would have been of more use? That’s if what he was saying was true, she had to wonder. But she couldn’t really imagine Robert making up a tale like this... for what? Just to get her back to England? No, that wasn’t his style.
Pondering on that thought she finally hit the delete key to erase his pathetic plea into cyberspace followed by a small ‘click’ as she flipped the sleek silver laptop shut. She hated him with a passion and she definitely couldn’t understand why he was asking her of all people for help. But, she didn’t quite hate him enough to turn a blind eye… What if he really was in trouble and something happened to him? No, she couldn’t live with that on her conscious - Ugh, the man still seemed to have a hold over her even now and up she rose from her comfy seat on the plush sofa, heading for her bedroom… to begin the tedious task of packing. -
current mood:  indescribable
current music:
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| Friday, September 5th, 2003
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11:25 pm - Great Moments in Parenting
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lost_in_it_all
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Damon: ::A terrible niggling idea had been wriggling its way into Damon's mind that day. He could not rid the nauseating image of that little rat slobbering all over his baby girl. He did not want such a thing to happen...but he knew that it was an inevitable fact of life. Damon was worried that he had yet to prepare his daughter for the cruel reality of sex...he shuddered, he didn't want to discuss it with her. He'd rather pop in a video into her TV and make her watch it than to actually have to say anything. This had "hell" written all over it. Damon poured himself a glass of Crown Royal and drained it in one swallow, steeling his nerves for the task ahead. Sure, it'd make Dakota feel weird, but it was already making Damon feel weird. Goddamnit, being a parent to a teenage girl was impossible. The nervous father found his way to Dakota's private bungalow, knuckles rapping against the door before he turned the knob and let himself in. denim hues were glued to the floor, just in case it was an inopportune time to enter. The Crown Royal was churning in his stomach, and his palms felt clammy. He wanted to just turn around and go back to his office and have another drink. Damon would have rather worried about the subject for the next few years until his daughter figured things out for herself...but sometimes people have to do things that they really, really, really don't want to do.::
Dakota: -Dakota, oblivious to the newest chapter of fatherly embarrassment that she was about to be subjected to, had been busy getting ready for bed when she heard the knock in her door. A little brow quirked up as the finished scrubbing her teeth and gurgled a little water.... setting her brush back in place. A quick glance in the mirror and sweep of tiny palms made sure that recently washed and dried and brushed blonde was pulled up into a little ponytail and within the minute she'd pulled the door open. The curious smile set on to glossed over Cupid's bows fell into a half annoyed frown as she saw that it was her father and...well... not anyone else on the planet, but like a good little daughter she stepped aside and let him in.- Whaddayou want? -Before she got an answer Dakota turned, maneuvering to the other side of the little living room to plant her pink pajama pants clad rear on to a cushion of the couch and fingers again went to work, this time trying to pull her far-too-tight white tank top a little lower against her wane rib cage-
Damon: ::Just the greeting he had expected and he gave her a half smile that lit up his clean shaven face.:: Good evening to you too, apple of my eye. ::He responded, in a matching Yankee brogue. His humor soon dissolved into discomfort as he remembered what he had come there for. And why did she have to wear that skimpy stuff? He wasn't comfortable with the idea of his daughter growing into a woman, he wanted to keep her in footsie pajamas for the rest of her life. But as fate would have it...she was maturing... damnit. It made him sad that she was no longer 'daddy's little girl,' it made him sad that she no longer wanted to be. Damon supposed that that was the natural course of things though, as shitty as it was. He joined her, sitting on the opposite side of the couch, looking very uncomfortable the whole time. He leaned forward, elbows on jean clad knees, his fingers tented together momentarily as he thought of a good ice breaker. Sorry, Damon, no ice breakers for this little talk. Once he was done floundering in that false hope he finally just dove in:: Dakota...we need to have a talk. I know you are getting interested in boys...as you proved to me yesterday. But, honey, you have to be careful-and you have to understand it all. You see...sometimes...when a man loves a woman he tries to show her...::He began to fall back on the old speech about birds and bees until he remembered his own outlook on the idea of his daughter having sex with anyone::...but that was in the past. That doesn't happen anymore. Boys are evil, the only thing that boys think about is sex and how to get it from you. They can't help that they are evil, it's like a special retardation that God gives each boy at birth...::He trailed off, and was forming more thoughts on the evilness of boys to spout off to her, hoping to get it all out before Dakota could break in.::
Dakota: -Could Dakota help it if she was blossoming in to a rather attractive little thing? Or that her old clothes seemed a little more tightly pulled against the newer curves they were worn upon? Of course not. But she did see the disapproving hint in Daddy's eyes when she wore... well just about anything that she owned. Now was no different, and she simply ignored the fact that he protested the way she wore her pajamas. It wasn't like anyone else saw her in them! She stared at him through his preparatory silence... fidgeting a bit in her seat as he stared back. Dakota loved her father. She really did. She'd always been a Daddy's girl... and while she was at that phase in her life where they didn't see eye to eye on... well anything... that didn't mean she wouldn't always BE a Daddy's girl. She'd been expecting him to come in here and lecture her at some point on the Ashton subject. That was unavoidable. It might have been if the guy hadn't been laying on top of her when he was introduced to Daddy dearest.... and then there was the mortification of her bikini bottom getting pulled half off in the resulting scuffle. But this... "The Talk"??? Well she hadn't seen that coming, and before he got two sentences in to his "Boys are evil" tirade, Dakota was lost in laughter, fingers clenching at her giggle aching tummy as she lolled back onto the cushions behind her- Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh GOD Daddy.... are you serious?
Damon: As a heart attack. Dakota, listen to me. ::he cleared his throat trying to speak through his daughter's fit of laughter, that had not been the reaction he was expecting, he was trying to regroup his soldiers of thought to go into battle again...witty verbal guns blazing...but thus far the whole blazy gun thing had only succeeded in being lukewarm sling shots.:: Ahhh...lets say this. Boys are after...your muffin, they want to take it before any other boy does. But you have to save that muffin, and treasure it until you find a boy that isn't as evil as the rest, and that I don't want to kill, and when you marry him you can give him that muffin, and it will be special, because he will be the only one. But even your husband will be evil because boys are obsessed with muffins, they need them all the time. You know how much I like pineapple? Well, that's how much evil boys like muffins. ::He rubbed a hand over his forehead and over his eyes, having no idea that his daughter was not a virgin anymore. In fact he didn't want to know that she had given up her "muffin," it would just blow his mind, and he'd go hunt down and kill the muffin eater::
Dakota: -Oh this was priceless. She wished she had a video camera running so that she could save this moment forever. It was the most idiotic (and entertaining) speech that she could have ever imagine her father coming up with. Her laughter was uncontrollable.... words barely managing to get sputtered past gasping tiers as she deprived herself of much needed oxygen through torrents of giggles- my....muffin?!?!? -That well rounded rear end of her had slipped off the couch as she fell to half balance on her back and literally roll with laughter. God... she loved her father. She did. But he didn't have a clue. Not that'd she'd give him one. No.. Dakota wasn't a virgin anymore. She hadn't been since last Valentine's Day when her last boyfriend back in New York had managed to convince her it was.... time to give him her muffin. Not that her father ever ever EVER needed to know that. She didn't want him knowing what she'd done with Ryan and more than he wanted to know that his little princess had been indulged in by one of his evil side of the species. God.. she couldn't breathe... but she tried. Tried hard.. gasping out softly- Yes... Daddy... you're right. I'll keep them all far far away from my muffin.
Damon: ::He ignored the fact that she was laughing. he wanted to think that he had done a good job, so he convinced himself that her laughter was out of shock and awe for the wisdom he had imparted to her. He remained quite as she cackled, trying to catch her breath. Wow, Damon you did a damn good job with this. He listened to her, trying to comprehend her words strangled with the throes of overwhelming amusement. It might have been a lot easier for him if she was a little more serious about this, and would sit up on the couch. But then again, he had convinced himself that he was a parenting genius.:: Well...good. I'm glad we understand each other now. ::he smiled and stood, ready to get the hell out of there, he retreated to the door:: Good night Dakota, I love you sweet heart. ::He left her bungalow, walking through the clear night back to his office for a little drinky drink, thinking all the way about how great he was at parenting.::
Dakota: -She managed to crawl up from her sprawl upon the leather and stop her father just before he left. Arms went up to curl around him and she nestled in against his back, hanging there for a moment as she breathed out through a still highly amused grin- I love you too Daddy..... sweet dreams...... -Awwwwwwwwh... now there was something you didn't see all too often. Okay... maybe he wasn't the best parent on the planet.... but her dad tried. She'd give him credit for that... at least in this instant. Plus this had been a Daddy/Daughter moment that she'd never ever forget. She almost wished he'd gone on longer. She hadn't laughed that hard in months.-
current mood: amused
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| Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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1:10 pm - Tabloid Pictures,and I'm still single woo
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keep_loving_me
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I feel like such a dork,I ditch school to hang out with Brady at the beach and he pratically almost ran me over again? is it me? or am I that short so people can run me over? I don't know I feel stupid I haven't talked to Dyllan nor do I plan to I guess he found someone new oh well..sucks for me I guess,he was really cute but I have a feeling he likes someone else. Kind of sucks being younger then most of the people in my school which isn't many which is one of the reason's I skipped,I mean Ms. Frost dosen't really notice I'm there? so why go? I told my mom my ankle was hurting really badly and I didn't think I would be able to go to school today,but she made me go anyway and I ended up just going to the beach,and I saw Brady so I dropped my crutches and hobbled on over to him,and we talked and he told me how "he thought I was a reporter." I don't think I want to be a journalist,it takes to much time to sit down and interview a person who dosen't want to be interviewed,besides I'd rather much like to have Britney Spear's job,or um be an MTV VJ before I go as far as to become a journalist. Brady went and grabbed my crutches for me and I felt like such a dummy because I wanted to go and do stuff with him,and I felt akward coming out of my mouth and I guess he felt the same way by how he looked at me,then I just volunteered to go home,I didn't see the point in staying when I felt akward and do you know he lifted me up and carried me to his car he told me he was going to "Kidnap me for the day" how adorable is he? I don't think I mind the kidnapping one bit. We talked for a while about the types of foods I eat,I'm a big pig with a high metabolism so I don't really gain wait since I have so much energy to burn. I got this weird feeling that he's attracted to me well at least I hope he is? I wouldn't mind it at all..but he said we were "friends" and that was enough informtation to know that he just thinks of me as a sixteen year old girl that he wants to be friends with,that kind of hurts my feelings not Kind of ALOT! I like him as more then a friend. I didn't know we were getting followed by the paparazzi I didn't even bother looking,but he pulled into the Aloha burger and literally laid ontop of me,and he told me he slipped,okay I could have died right there and would have been so happy..I know I sound like a ditzy boy crazy girl but MY GOD! he was LAYING ON ME!!!
but I guess that makes it easier to explain to my parents why I was out with a boy Man when I was suppose to be inside the house laying down. what should I say??
I told him he could always call me his cousin or something but then he got a little harsh and told me I wasn't a friends sister,or his cousin and got into the car,and I just asked him to take me home,I don't know one minute he's happy next miute he's weird around me I don't think I'm catching his signals right.. Maybe he does like me? or maybe he dosen't?
xoxoxLexy
current mood:  confused
current music:
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| Friday, September 5th, 2003
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1:32 am
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lost_in_it_all
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Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Okay... maybe not the worst but it ranked right up there with the worst of them. And the strangest part of all of it is that it kinda helped me make a decision about something.
First... I've been hearing rumors that Ms. Frost was... seen... like... out with my dad. The kids are saying stuff... and knowing my asshole womanizing father... that might explain why she seems to hate me so much. Do I have proof? Well she gave me a week's detention yesterday for being like.. 30 seconds late coming back from lunch. I had to go to the bathroom and there was a line since this school is so lame that it only has like 2 stalls!!! It wasn't like I was out vandalizing the building or something.
After school I had to go straight home as I have been every day for the last two weeks since I've been grounded for sneaking out. For the first time since then I talked Daddy in to letting me go spend some time along on the beach... so there I went while he was headed to a meeting across the island.....and I started reading this book I was assigned to read for class. Stupid book report... it's called 1984. It must have been written like a million years ago because they thought the world would be all crazy by now. It's boring as all Hell. But I got some good work done on my tan while I was reading the first couple of chapters...
.... Then Ashton showed up. He'd left me a note a few days ago saying he was going to come by. He said he missed me. Which was nice. I kinda thought he hated me. But he didn't.. because after we talked a little he started kissing me, which was really nice.
Really nice until Daddy showed up and yanked him off me. Ash said something to him that I can't even remember now and Daddy punched him in the face! I seriously think he might have a broken nose. A black eye at the very least. Daddy chased Ash away, but before he left he whispered to me that he'd call me. I'm not sure if Daddy heard that or not. He sent me to my room though... and I sat there for awhile.. then I went to go talk to him about it. I'm sick of being treated like a little kid. I'm 17 years old now!!!! He thinks I'm some little kid... he thinks I don't know anything about.. well anything.
But when I got there to talk to him... Sutton was there. Apparently he's working for my dad now. And apparently Daddy told him about Ashton. I'm not really sure why that would have come up in his business conversation, but right when Sutton looked at me... I knew he knew. He looked so hurt, and I felt so bad... and I had to stand there and pretend I didn't know who he was because Daddy was there. Daddy knows I snuck out. He has no idea his business partner was the person I was sneaking out WITH.
But Sutton left... and I told Daddy I was going for a run... and I went to try and explain.. apologize ... figure out where we stood I guess. He basically told me I had to choose. So I did. And I didn't choose him. I didn't WANT to choose at all.. but I guess it wasn't fair not to. He made me feel like the biggest cheating heart breaker in the world. I don't know if he meant to.... we went out like.. twice! And the first time was more.. just meeting up at that party... I don't know why Sutton likes me so much. He...like... really really looked really really upset. I cried like a big baby. I like Sutton. I know he's too old for me.. and I know he'd be in huge trouble if Daddy found out. Like... locked up in jail kind of trouble. Not that it matters now. And we didn't really have anything in common... but I like him. He made me feel... comfortable. Safe. For the first time since I've been on this island.
And I hurt him. I feel like shit.
But I realized something after that. And after today when this new guy started at school. Dyllan. He's gorgeous... and my age... he was passing notes with me.. and I got him in trouble so he was stuck in lunch detention with me. Ms. Frost took the notes up and the picture he drew (of me.. it was so pretty)... and she said next time she'd read the notes out loud to the class. And in detention he kinda told me he liked me and said all of these nice things and I kinda let him know I wasn't really available... but we're gonna be friends. I SO need a friend.
And I realized... if I could take losing someone I like as much as Sutton... and if I could turn down the cutest boy in school... then I must really like Ashton.
Like really really like him... right?
So maybe I'm ready to have sex with him after all. I mean.. that's what he wants... And it's not like I haven't ever done it before. I have. Twice. With my boyfriend back in New York. Daddy doesn't know that of course. But Ash wants to and I don't want to make him mad again... so....
... maybe...
Daddy would really kill him then....
current mood:  frustrated
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| Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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1:00 am - I can't change the stars.
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blacksandtide
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Koa pulled me into court again a few weeks ago. I had to stay in Hana on Maui for a few days, and try and keep a cork in the drain in my pocket. She demanded a raise in alimony (which is already an obscene number) and she demanded my dog. The judge denied both of her requests, on the basis that I am already paying her the agreed amount from the first court visit, and that Polo had been my dog before I even knew her. The stress of having Koa breathing down my neck with her unconquerable animosity is wearing me thin.
I found a partner to do business with. I will be booking boating tours through the Aloha Rose with the owner; Damon James. I had no idea he was Dakota's father though. Damon had just shared with me that he had caught his daughter making out with some "sleaze bag" on the beach that afternoon. I don't think anything can compare to the way my heart dropped from my ribcage when I saw Dakota breeze into Damon's office. I don't think anything can compare to the pain when I realized that it was Dakota that had been "making out with some sleaze bag."
It hurt more than I thought it would, knowing that she was seeing someone else. I don't know what I should have expected though. She and I were never really "dating," but I wish we could have, I wish we were. I left the meeting at the Aloha Rose abruptly. The ride back to my home was the most hellish experience I have had in a while. Everything has piled up. Nahoa's death, Koa and I's divorce, serious money troubles, lack of grant money or recognition, loneliness and failure. Then Dakota added another few hundred pounds to the load and my back broke. I had a break down on the twisting drive back, a torrent of emotions I have kept pent up flooded out. When Dakota arrived at my house later I was drained and vacant eyed.
I told her I just wanted her to be happy, and I do-even if it means I can't have her. If the other guy makes her happier, then that is who she should be with. Knowing that though, doesn't make the pain go away, it only intensifies it. I wish I could have just accepted it and let it roll off of my back, but I can't be a door mat-even for Dakota. As much as I feel for her I can't be the alternate guy. I want to tell myself that it's for the best, as I'm sure Dakota has reassured herself. But I can't, when I know that it isn't. There is a hollow feeling inside of my ribs, I can't get rid of it.
I feel like I am dying inside. This feels like the aftermath of Nahoa's death, and Koa and I's divorce revisited at the same time. I didn't sleep last night. I stayed awake, and laid on the beach. I watched the stars, like I expected the constellations to move, to tilt and shift unexpectedly...like my life has.
current music: Patsy Cline - " Strange "
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11:24 pm - Let's call it temporary insanity
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lost_in_it_all
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"Maybe we can try again later"
...that's what Jeremy had the nerve to say to me after he told me he was leaving. And that he didn't know for how long. The fact that he quit his job and gave up the lease on his place was a fairly good indicator that it'd be a while.
Here I thought having his friend Jomo around would be good for him. Cheer him up a little. No. Instead the bum talks him in to picking up again and leaving Molokai so the two of them could go to Australia and catch up with some surf buddies they'd known in Tahiti.
I thought for sure Jeremy would say no when the guy brought it up right in front of me when we rented videos last week and were watching them on their couch.
Instead he said, and I quote... "when are we leaving."
Great. I should have seen this coming. The first time in my life that I actually make an attempt at being serious with someone, and he runs off to another country with another guy.
So there goes that. He's already gone. I got a post card yesterday with his new address. He wants me to write him. I'm not so sure I feel up to it. I was wary enough about having a relationship with one person when he WAS here on the island. Now that he's half way around the world, it's hardly tempting.
Despite the fact that I was really really starting to have some intense feelings for him.
If nothing else this reaffirmed the fact that I don't want a serious relationship at this point in my life.
Aloha Jeremy... it was fun.
current mood:  disappointed
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