| One crises averted |
[20 May 2003|06:30am] |
|
Last night after work, Hisoka and I got a bit closer than usual. It's probably because of the fact that for some reason my mental walls are up and enforced properly for once. The only thing is that I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened. I wasn't even aware I was blocking things out till Hisoka told me that I feel like a blank spot. Literally.
Maybe my brain caught up with my heart and did the work on it's own. Lately Hisoka and I have been stumped to the point of no return trying to find a way for Hisoka to feel his own emotions. So that he can figure out whether he loves me or if it's just my emotions confusing him. At first I thought it was me, and felt horrible for it. But... these past few days have led me to the conclusion that he really does love me. Because looking back at the past in our partnership, he's always tried to be there for me. He cared about me enough to drag me back from the point of no return.
So...
I love him. A lot. I've kept that inside too much I think, before. But now it's just threatening to spill out. I've already told him I do, and it was his turn to make a move. Which he returned last night. He let me sleep with him again, just in his bed to hold him... I feigned sleep, but I was awake most of the night. I felt wired. I was hoping, praying he'd wake me up and say it.
He did say it. A quick, soft, 'aishiteru' and then snuggled down to sleep. Only thing is, he thought I was asleep. I guess he's not ready to tell me yet.... Just test out the waters first. See how those words feel in his mouth. I can wait. I've waited all my life for him, and I can wait yet another if need be.
|
|