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when did this happen? [03 May 2003|01:21pm] [ mood | worried sick ] Everything was fine on Friday till the ball. Well, not exactly. I should say everything was fine on Friday till Saturday came at midnight. Hijiri and I broke up. I'll explain. I need to write this, because in my head it's all jumbled up. Where did I go wrong? Maybe if I write it down I'll remember. Friday came, and work went by quickly. I barely saw Hijiri who was working on paperwork for Watari so he wouldn't have to stay over. As was I. Hisoka usually does a lot of the paperwork but I had some things due or else Tatsumi would have killed me. I went home, got dressed. Hisoka left before me, so I locked up at around 6 and got there at 6:30. The whole night I didn't see anyone I knew, save Wakaba who I danced with because I know she really wanted to. The rest of the night I spent dancing with masked faces, and eating delicious food. I was happy. I tried to find Hijiri, but I couldn't find anyone dressed entirely in black like he told me he would be. Well, I could, but there wasn't anyone like that at his height! At about 10 till midnight, before everyone took off their masks, I found Hijiri. He was garbed in a black cloak and wore a ghostly full faced white mask, disguised as the western version of the grim reaper, or death. He'd been in a corner all night waiting for me, and I felt so awful when I saw him there half asleep. I quickly pulled him to the dancefloor for a last dance... I pulled his mask up a bit to kiss him, and a little surprisingly he didn't respond, he only froze. I ignored it and kissed him anyway, and when I pulled away, it struck midnight. I took off my mask.... and so did he. It was Hisoka. I apologized, feeling terrible and mortified all at once. He told me it was fine, and hurried off to the refreshment table to get away from me... No sooner had he left, Hijiri ran past me, Watari calling after him. Confused, I went to see what was wrong. He'd done the same thing I'd done. Only he'd mistaken Watari for me. Watari's costume had been really eccentric, I suppose. Plus he'd turned back to his normal age. Since Watari and I are close to the same height and Watari HAD been 16 when the dance began, I wasn't angry at Hijiri. I had no right to be anyway. But the blow came when he told me he felt something between him and Watari when they'd kissed. Hijiri told me it felt right. Much more right than it had with me. I felt the world bottom out from under me, it happened again. Why is it everyone I ever get that close, leaves me? I tried to smile. Tried to not let him see the pain it caused me to take him back inside the mansion and pass him off to Watari. When we went back in after coming to a mutual agreement we could no longer be lovers, but just friends, Watari was by the refreshment table, holding Sokachan. Watari looked a little apprehensive, but I just smiled and told him I'd trade Hijiri for the cat. And I let Hijiri go, leaving the ball right after that, a cat in one hand, and my cloak in another. I went home and cried the whole night, letting my woes deafen Soka-chan's poor kitty ears. I feel a little silly now, having only a cat to talk to about my problems. But he never seems to mind... What's worse? Hisoka never came home last night. I'm getting worried. If he's not home in another hour I'm going to go look for him. I hope he's not angry at me for last night... I don't want to lose anyone else...... Baka....Tsuzuki no baka.... You never had him in the first place. post comment

the cat came back. . . and hissed. . . [03 May 2003|10:25pm] [ mood | broken ] . . . I hurt right now. I hurt so much I can't even breath without feeling pain. The ball was a disaster. . . I went and couldn't find anyone, not even Watari. I looked all night for Tsuzuki and he was no where to be found. I looked really hard but saw no one that looked close to him. After skipping the spiked drinks I'm sure Watari did that, I waited against a wall in almost plain site to the door for him to see me. A little before midnight I finally saw him. His outfit was definatly eccentric. I couldn't even figure out who he was suppose to be. I walked over to him and we began to dance. I heard Tsuzuki was a great dancer but he seemed stiffed tonight. I shurged it off. I felt light as a feather in his embrace like I always do. It was about to strike midnight when he leaned down and kissed me. I felt sparks like I have never felt before. I was so warm by his touches. . . . finally it was midnight and I leaned up to kiss him while I took off his mask and for him to take off mine. When our lips meet I opened my eyes to see his purple eyes. . . . they weren't purple. I had just kissed Watari. . . . he was back to normal and was very much surprised by who I was. I couldn't believe it. . . I had just kissed Watari and felt things I should be feeling with Tsuzuki. . . I went into shock for a moment before I ran outside into the gardens. Tsuzuki found me there and we talked. . . I told him what happened and he told me that it had happened to him but he thought that Hisoka was me. I think my heart about fell two inches into my stomache. He asked me how it felt to kiss Watari. . . I didn't want to tell him so I asked him how it felt for him to kiss Hisoka. . . it was the same that I felt. I was in tears. . . I felt like I had just had both my world shattered while I just shattered his. I love Tsuzuki. . . but I'm not who he needs. I can't be the one to make him happy for eternity. . . it's not my destiny I guess you can say. I wish it was. He'll be happy with Hisoka though right? He's the one that Tsuzuki loves so much and wants. I thought we had just made a mistake that night but. . . it seems that innocent mistake turned into more. . . We both agreed that it was best that we stopped seeing each other. I think he was about as hurt as I was to say that we should break up. We walked back inside and we found Watari being attacked by Soka. Tsuzuki pushed me into Watari and took Soka in exchange. I didn't want to leave him alone but. . . I couldn't stay right there with him either. Watari and I walked home together in silence and he held me last night while we both fell asleep, me crying. I woke up and I was really upset all day. He basically held me for the whole day till we got a call from Tsuzuki asking if we knew where Hisoka was. I thought it was odd but I didn't care right then so I went to my room after a shower to relax. I decided later that I would make dinner. I sent Watari to a place downtown to pick up a few things while I went to the cornor store. I couldn't believe it but I saw Soka! I didn't know he was missing but I thought I would return him to Tsuzuki right away. He was so hungry and he became a bit friendlier to me because I gave him food. I called Tsuzuki up and he told me that he still hadn't heard from Hisoka and he thought that Muraki had both of us cause he couldn't get in touch with me. I hurried to his place with Soka to be with him and help him. . . . . I got there and Tsuzuki told me that Soka was there. I had Soka though. It dawned on me. . . Hisoka was a cat! Tsuzuki was not happy cause we all knew who it was that did it. . . Watari. He came over and gave Tsuzuki a tranquilizer cause he was about to explode and then Hisoka was about to claw him to death. Watari made up an antidote and Soka volunteered to try it out. He looked EXACTLY like Hisoka but with longer hair. He didn't want to stay human and turned back into a cat with the potion. He gave Hisoka the antidote and he turned back . . . he told us to get out being really cold about it. . . what a nice thanks for helping him out. He would still be a cat if I hadn't found Soka. He's still mad at me I guess. Anyways. . . I told Watari I wasn't happy about what happened. He felt sorry though. Then something horrible happened, 003 flew out the window. We looked for a few hours for him but couldn't find him. When we got back I went back to my room and locked myself up in my room. So here I am. I think I'm going to bed soon. . . I'm really tired. post comment

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