| Strawberries and Cream. . . . |
[28 Apr 2003|08:08am] |
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I'm so happy right now. I don't know what it is. I don't know why I would be happy after last night, but I could see why because of earlier that day. Tsuzuki and I had breakfast yesterday you could say and then I was on cloud nine all day. I was just so happy to be near him and to see his smile. He even made me blush a couple of times just looking at me like he did the night before making me think of how wonderful it was. I just had a cheerful outlook all day yesterday. Even at practice I felt like I could do anything with my powers but that did cause me to be distracted and I think I put Konoe-san under a trance. ;;;;; Oh well a little cold water never hurt anyone. I was sorry that I did miss Watari when he came back from his vacation. He brought me and Tsuzuki two puppies holding a heart stuffed animal. They were so cute.
I went to Tsuzuki's the next night to help him with some of his packing. We got through the living room and we're going to tackle the kitchen tomorrow. We did have a bit of dinner of pizza. I played a bit of my violin for him which he seemed to enjoy. Then we had "dessert". Well he had dessert anyways. He didn't even let me have one strawberry but he said he would share tonight. I still feel flushed thinking about last night too. We didn't get past dessert though. Watari called saying he was stuck to the ceiling of the lab and needed me right away. . . .
Went to the lab and I found out he wasn't stuck and just wanted to talk to me. He told me that he loved me even though he didn't think it would change anything. I told him that I knew already and that I was sorry for reading his journal that one time. He was a bit shocked but he was hurting too much to care I guess. . . He kept smiling hiding it again. I know he's hurt and I don't want him to be hurt. He's says he's happy for Tsuzuki and me but I don't know if he really is. I seem to cause a lot of trouble around here. . . I found out that he stayed up all night waiting for me the night before he was going to leave. . . just to talk to me. I felt REALLY bad about that too. . . he didn't get any sleep. I think I'll make dinner for him the tomorrow. I want to help Tsuzuki finish packing today since he's moving out soon. We still havn't figured out what we're going to do about that. I thought maybe we go out on a date or something then maybe if we wanted to a few nights we could just um. . . get a hotel room? I don't know. I think I'm going to go get some tea.
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| moving |
[28 Apr 2003|08:03pm] |
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Last night I had the most delicious dessert I'd eaten in a long time. Strawberry shortcake with whipcream! Yummy! I have such a weakness because of my sweet tooth... ^^;
I'm almost done packing. The kitchen is still not done, but it's not too much more yet. After tonight I'll probably be able to start moving in. Which will leave me....? A day? Gah, that's not a lot of time. ~_~; Hisoka's already done packing and has begun moving in already. I bet he's already moved in! He's just that type of person.
I felt really terrible last night. Watari came over with Hijiri. He seemed to have gotten into trouble at the lab again-- he looks 16 again! He had a hard time walking (lost his center of balance with the change) so Hijiri didn't want to leave him there alone. So he brought him with him.
Now I DID have some things on my mind, but I didn't MEAN to let Watari see the um...stuff... for that night. They both caught sight of the KY and were both really embarrassed about it, so I tried to be casual even though I felt like dying myself. Baka! Can't believe I left it on the counter for all to see! ><;
Why did this make me feel bad?
Because Watari loves Hijiri.
I had guessed a little beforehand, because of the way Watari's eyes softened when they saw Hijiri coming their way. He usually is pretty friendly but in the lab when he's working on something it usually takes a lot to get him to stop unless it's an order. But he'll set everything aside just to help him with anything. I asked Hijiri anyway, forgetting my suspicions totally... I feel really bad over it. But Hijiri doesn't feel the same about him.
When I talked to Hisoka about my feelings for Hijiri over him, I told him I still cared. But Hisoka told me to not worry about it, because he couldn't be that for me. He told me to just love Hijiri. In a way he's right. What's the use of watering a dead flower? Watari will realize this, and move on, sometime or another.
*sigh*
Onto a happier subject...
I found a cat! Or rather... it found me. When I was taking the trash out after Hijiri left to take Watari home, I found it sitting atop the garbage can, meowing. It looked really hungry so I brought it in and gave it some fish and milk. When I got him in the light, I saw he was a really pretty tan-blonde color and had large green eyes. He's really cute.
I've not had a pet in a long time. I'm usually a dog person, but this cat is kind of cool too. Maybe I'll keep him. I'll keep him for now and put up posters to see if anyone lost him. I kinda hope no one claims him though. He's really cute. A little indignant at times, but I think that was because I put him outside of the bedroom when Hijiri and I had....adult time. *niko niko* I opened the door afterwards but he pretended he didn't want to come in. Yet this morning I woke up to him nuzzled against my ear, purring very softly.
I wonder what I'm going to call him...
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| Regrets |
[28 Apr 2003|10:17pm] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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| [ |
music |
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Erasure - Siren Song |
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I shouldn't have done that...
I shouldn't have done any of this...
I was depressed yesterday after talking to Hijiri... I told him how I felt... I knew that it wouldn't change anything. He knew though... he read my journal one night... I don't care though... he had a right to know, and I was too much of a coward to tell him.
I experimented on myself yesterday... yeah, not the smartest thing to do when your depressed...
I'm 16.
All over again.
I HATED being 16....
All those things that happened...
No, not even gonna talk about it...
I did something I really should not have last night... Hijiri was taking me home and... I tripped, and he went to help me, and I yelled at him for treating me like a little kid... and that made him sad... I apologized quickly... kissed him... and ran off.
I shouldn't have kissed him...
I don't know why I did.
I got home... locked myself in my room... and cried. I knew Hijiri wasn't going to come home.
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[28 Apr 2003|11:34pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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music |
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Weiss Kreuz - Beautiful Alone |
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I wonder... how long will it take me to get over Hijiri?
It took me a while to get over Tsuzuki... because I thought he was in love with Hisoka... but... well, we all see where that is.
There isn't anyone out ther for me I think... I mean, look at me.
I'm clumsy, and I can be a real idiot sometimes...
No one liked me when I was living either. I don't think I noticed it as much though...
I suppose I'll be alone forever...
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