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QUOTESNLYRiCS

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[01 Dec 2009|06:37pm]

_dagger_
how do people live like that.
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[01 Dec 2009|10:43am]

_dagger_
i hate it.

i made a mistake.
AND IM STILL PAYING FOR IT.
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[30 Nov 2009|11:20pm]

silli_lil_sophs
we're pages of sky, infront of our eyes.
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[30 Nov 2009|11:19pm]

silli_lil_sophs
where are we lost...
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[30 Nov 2009|01:08am]

singinangel1287
In a way I feel like I've stopped feeling anything.
Like I can't feel the appropriate things at certain times.
All I feel at those times is nothing. Or numbness.
And it feels wrong.
I want to feel
And I want to feel right...
Proper...
Is that even possible anymore?

I can't figure out how to gt back to feeling the right way about things.
In a way I'm not sure I ever really did
Which throws me for an even worse loop...
It confuses me
Makes me think harder
More in depth
Even more, it's cause for greater concern...

Do I get medicated? Does talking make it better?
What works?
What has worked?
Has anything?
What will?

I don't want to go through my life always needing medication or almost always having to go back to needing it...
I want to feel normal, I want to be normal... on my own...

I just want to know it's a possibility.
I don't know if i'd consider myself depressed..
I'm lost, if anything, and sometimes I find myself stuck
In a rut, in a sad ditch, a deep gaping hole, that I'm just trying to find a ladder to climb out on.
I'm trying so hard to get out.

But what can I do that is going to make my grades better?
My motivation come back?
Set my priorities straight again?
Is there anything?

I'm scared I'm failing yet I can't find a way to pick myself up and give 2 shits.. I just freak out and worry and hope for the best..

Ugh
I need help....
Now.
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[30 Nov 2009|02:19am]

silli_lil_sophs
i kind of don't want spilling alcohol and spilling tears and spilling kisses, and lying in living rooms and sleeping on sofas and blurry vision.
i kind of want a house and cooking and babies and soft music and tidy and cute.
but i can't be having that yet. not all of that.^.
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[29 Nov 2009|11:53pm]

silli_lil_sophs
all this inspired, and not alot of doing with it.
sophie!
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[29 Nov 2009|11:53pm]

silli_lil_sophs
all this inspired, and not alot of doing with it.
sophie!
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[28 Nov 2009|05:20pm]

_dagger_
... BAH!
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[26 Nov 2009|07:37pm]

_dagger_
I miss Chris. All the time. Even when he's around. And I wish I didn't have this overwhelming insecurity that forces me to look through his phone when he's not around. ANd forces me to see text messages to another girl, that don't really seem to me to be "just friends" kind of text messages. But what do I know? I'm just crazy.

And i can't be mad at something that I did.
I cant be a hypocrite.

I cant do anything.
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[26 Nov 2009|07:34pm]

_dagger_
I'm miserable right now. Not just RIGHT now. but... now. around now. Everything sucks.
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[24 Nov 2009|10:39pm]

silli_lil_sophs
we've been drawing ducks
falling inlove
walking along in the rain
lights reflecting all over the place
oh and he doesn't like the rain
i love the serious look on his face

time rushing by
falling and fading
like i was saying
and i swear he stopped time
just one look in his eyes
he's got the prettiest eyes
i'm still scared out of my mind
mind.

oh he's the thunder and lighting
and calm before and after
he's the main character
in this current chapter

i could draw ducks for him all day
and we could put them in the sea to swim away
its the memories that make us
memories that shape us
keep adding up and they'll never subtract
your gaining things you'll never give back

which is strange,
because it feels like you're giving away
as you go through life
day after day

oh but i love how you're so together
because i'm all over the place
and i love how you smile
and your very serious face
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Target Sucks. [19 Nov 2009|04:55pm]

cutstoopeneyes
[ mood | sick ]

Target as a whole doesn't suck, but this one bitch, Brenda, does. I was scheduled as a cashier Monday from 1:45pm-10:00pm. At 10:15pm, I clocked out because, as a cashier, once all the 'guests' are out of the store, the cashiers get to leave. Brenda sees me walking to the door and asks me where I'm going. I tell her I'm scheduled until 10pm and it's now 10:20pm, so I'm leaving. She says, "we're not done with everything. You have to stay." I tell her I'm scheduled AS A CASHIER until 10pm and we have people scheduled until 11pm to clean/reshop/and zone. Then she tells me, "well, a GSTL needs to tell you when you can leave." I tell her no, once all the guests are gone, the cashiers leave. She goes, "I guess I do things a little differently around here." I then tell her that I don't have a car, so my ride has been waiting outside for 20 minutes now and that I'm leaving.

Today, I was scheduled 12:15pm-8:45pm. I clocked in at 12:15pm, walked up to the front and went straight to the bathroom to throw up. I'm walking to the register and Brenda is walking to go on break. She sees me, calls my line [across 7 lanes], walks up to me and says, "you were supposed to be here at 12:15pm." I say, "I was, but, technically, we have a 5 minute lenience so I'm not late. Plus, I had to go to the bathroom to throw up because I haven't been feeling well at all today." Then she tells me which lane to go on and that I can't leave now that I'm on a lane.

Later, she asking me about how my pregnancy is going and stuff like that. I wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up 'cause I don't want to share any of that information with her. This is my favorite part of the day: a cashier is closing later this weekend. She asked Brenda if we leave once all the guests are out. Brenda looks at me, even though I was talking to another cashier, and says, "well, Josh and Clint let you leave once all the guests are out. I do things differently. When I close, I make sure you stay until everything's done because I'm here until 11 no matter what so you should have to stay, too." YEAH, BITCH, BUT WE AREN'T SCHEDULED UNTIL 11PM! WE'RE SCHEDULED UNTIL 10PM! There's a law against making us stay later than our scheduled time, too. I looked it up the other day.

So I go on my first 15 minute break. Brenda decided to take a 25 minute break. I walk up to Josh to see which register he wants me at. He asks me if I'm okay 'cause I look miserable and I tell him no and that I've thrown up twice since being here. Without saying another word, he gets on the walkie, calls an LOD, asks if he can send me home, and tells me to go clock out. So why did Brenda make a big deal about it earlier? This bitch has something against me and that's fine, but don't treat me like a child. I'll continue calling corporate on her and complaining about her to the LOD whom I'm going to set up an appointment with to talk to her about the last few days. Fuck this bitch.

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