| Dying inside |
[15 Feb 2004|11:51pm] |
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Runaway Train......Soul Asylum |
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I lost my girl of 6 months over something stupid that I did. Valentines day was a bitch. I called her to see how she was doing,she so was so cold on the phone. I can't help worring about her, I still love her. I understand that she needs time to sort everything out. I only want what is best for her, but in the mean time I'm loosing it. I have started cutting on myself and even tried burning myself with a cigarette last night. I can't get it out of my head that I hurt her so much and now may have lost her for good. I never have felt so alive before she came into my life. I know I need to pick up the pieces and go on with my life.
Any suggestion would be grateful.
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[14 Feb 2004|11:08pm] |
I hate valentines day..and if you rly love someone why would you only show it on a cheap ass holiday like this..
Anyways..I'm new so I'll just tell you about why I joined this community. Well theres a guy..we were never oficially going out or anything but ya anyways..we were supposed to go to this stupid-ass little school dance together. Well guess what...he got a girlfriend 2 days before the dance. Eventually got over that..sort-of [[ill never totally forgive him for it.]]..then one day in school he kissed one of my "friends" [[and yes he did have a girlfriend when this happened]]. and one day I was uptown w/ a few friends and i see him holding hands w/ one of the ugliest fat bitches i have ever seen in my entire life..So get this..im on the virge of crying hystericly and he comes up to me and asks me whats wrong..fuckin moron. Then those two were makin out..in front of my god damned face [[and still he has a girlfriend]]. Now im sittin in my english class talkin to one of his fucking whores and shes tellin me he gave her a fuckin hickey....and just guess where?..on her fucking tit. Holy shit i wanted to kill her. And damn shes uglier then the fuckin last gurl!!..i mean like vomit in your fucking face ugly..ugh..damn bitches. So now hes single right?..only to find out that hes goin back to lock up..hes been in there for 5 months.
Why do i keep coming back to him?..ive liked this guy for a year..i mean dont get me wrong..he rly is a great guy...if just he would stop being such a fucking manwhore..i dnno mabye i enjoy the pain he puts me through..mabye thats why i keep running back to him..i dnno.
O and ya wanna kno what?.....i found out my parents are gettin a divorce....doesn't love suck the big one.
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| HELP!!!!!! |
[22 Dec 2003|11:28pm] |
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Can u look at my posting on my Journal labeled: Im So Fucked ! I need help and i talk about wat there .... thanks its really important
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[22 Dec 2003|09:14pm] |
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Sense Fail . Bloody Romance |
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A new member here.
A quote I will leave with you.
This I made myself .. I hope you like
Loving you is like cutting myself.
It hurts .. but I just keep doing it
// K a t
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| love doesnt shine on either side of the rainbow & the rain |
[22 Dec 2003|01:38am] |
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love is like an orgy. you're fucked no matter either way.
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[21 Dec 2003|08:56pm] |
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goodbye. livejournal is free for the time being, so i'm on my way. you guys should come to...its much more reliable than blurty. grr. and faster too.
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| _LIES |
[21 Dec 2003|05:52pm] |
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So. This is my second entry. Let me tell you... The one I loved is an asshole! And yes, I said loved! I'm very proud. I feel nothing for him after this past episode...
He was using me, he was lieing to me... Let me tell you...
The one he loved was his ex. His ex boyfriend. My last lover was bisexual. No problem, I didn't care. But you need to know this... His ex, was his best friend. (His best friend is a good friend of mine, and he and his best friend and ex are no longer friends because of some recent incident.)
You see, he had this private journal, and he was stupid and accidently sent me the link. Sence his journal is private, he was thinking I'd never be able to see what was in there anyways. Well, he was also stupid, and accidently left the second entry in there public. It talks about how much he loves and misses his ex.
He told me he loved me. He told me he always saw us together...He lied. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie.
I had someone accidently let it slip that he stopped loving me a while ago, and that he led me on because he missed the feelings he had for me... I hope he dies! Lol. But I'm okay...
I know it's sad, but I already have a cush... This guy has been here for me this whole time. Always to cheer me up.
I just hope that I TRUELY have no feelings for him, and that my mind isn't just playing tricks on me...
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[20 Dec 2003|02:17pm] |
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what do you do when the one you love is movinq? . . . help =[
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[20 Dec 2003|01:38am] |
rip up my paper heart,
tattered and threadbare, the scars are still visible
alibeit hidden beneath my jokes and my smiles
ambivalence is the worst human emotion
to both love and hate the same thing simultaneous
tears at my soul, but has me begging for more.
can i be recycled?
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[12 Dec 2003|03:01pm] |
i made a new community. it's a random community where you can post anything. about your day, lyrics, poems, quotes, random thoughts, ideas, whatever you damn well please. so go join and post something. also, spread the word :)
 random_crap
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[09 Dec 2003|11:11pm] |
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what do you do when you love one guy but he lives in another country? i know he knows i love him but i can be with him...and he wants to be really good frineds...yes i know thats better than nothing but i miss him sooo much....and i dont want to be broken up...we met at a camp we were both working at during the summer and then we hung out and became a thing...i even spent money to go visit him while he was in the states and now he want to be friends....yes its been along time since this happened but now he moving to another city in his country and i know now ill never see him...i dont know if i should tell him how upset i am about it..cause im really broken up about it...there was always a chance i would get to see him again and now there is none...im devested..should i tell him how much i miss him, and how upset i am that now im never gonna see him inperson again and i know that ill lose him asa good firned becasue hes moving??..help pls
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| im the newbie here |
[07 Dec 2003|11:41pm] |
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well since im new here i'll just explain my problem.
i'll be 18 in three months and i plan on moving in with my sort of boyfriend. the problem is he recently moved to south carolina. when he still lived up here (in ohio) we were just friends, but when he moved we started to like each other. it sucks cuz i never get to see him, i can only talk to him on the phone every single nite. he tells me that he wants to marry "a girl exactly like me", we even talk about what names to give "the kids", and tells me all the time how hes never liked a girl this much before. he came up to visit me for about 5 days and now that he's gone im so depressed. i just sit around and cry. being 600 miles away from the guy you like is really hard.
see i dont know if i should just wait for the 3 months so i can be with him or try and move on? im so confused.
xoxo jessica
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[02 Dec 2003|05:47pm] |
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My problem is a bit different...ive been with my guy for 5 years, and i do love him, its just that i love him like a brother, not a lover if ya know what i mean! he is amazing, he is cute, and he adores me, i just cant imagine spending the rest of my life with this 1 person who i dont really fancy any more
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| admin post |
[01 Dec 2003|04:30pm] |
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benny benesai - satisfaction |
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your lovely maintainer has made a new community: billets_doux. it's a community where you can post unsent love letters. for more info go check it out! ^_^
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| First Post; |
[28 Nov 2003|12:35am] |
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The boy I love, who I've gone out with twice, who supposedly loves me, who was leading me on... Was dateing someone else. His best friend. Now they're in a fight, and he's gone suicidal. I'm trying to save him from himself. It's soo hard. I feel betrayed. Hurt. Used. And I don't mind it soo much. I know now that I love him and there is nothing I can do about it at the moment...
He says he's always loved me; even while dating his bestfriend in secret. I sort of beleive it, considering I dumped my last boyfriend because I realized I wasn't being fair to him because the whole time I was in love with someone else...
He doesn't want a "High School relationship," yet he insists that he loves me and that he fears that my feelings twards him have changed. I told him that it didn't make sence, that he didn't want a "High School relationship." He told me that I would want nothing to do with him after High School. That's 3 years. He's promising me that he'll love me in 3 years, and sort of that I should wait. (He's never come out and said this, but this is what I assume.)
I know I love him, and I feel as if I always will. I've tried to get over him soo many times. I've loved him for two years now, if not; longer.
I know love must seem like a strong word for someone who is only 14. How else could I describe the feeling that I've found my soul-mate. The most perfect guy I've ever met. Someone who I can talk to about anything and some I've never been able to say that I was completely over. I love him. Love has no age. And he supposedly loves me back.
He's said to me he's invisioned us married. I have too...
I'm sorry this was soo long...
<3
; Nicole
X-POSTED TO; lovehurts, love_actually_ & the_romantic
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[26 Nov 2003|04:07pm] |
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I can't even begin to describe the amount of pain i've been going through. He kills me with silence....ever....single....day. Im out of solutions...is anyone up to lend me ideas :0(
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[22 Nov 2003|12:52am] |
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bleh. This is hiii_on_life :] my last journal was suspended.....just thought u guys would like to know ::cough::not::cough::
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| Hey I'm The New Girl!! |
[20 Nov 2003|09:11am] |
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Hey My name is bre and I just joined this community. I guess there Is no way to not make the introduction entry cheesy so here goes...
I am 15 living in Pennsylvania. I am Bisexual but thinking about lesbianism because I have not been attracted to one guy in the past two years. I have had four girlfriends in my life and all of them turned out to be a bad relationship. I want to meet a girl that I can be in an open, PDA, kind of way just like straight people do. I've also been cursed with attracting the beginner/unexperienced kind of girls. I have also had the unfortunate event of being with a girl and her parents blamed me for her being bisexual claiming that I "turned her gay". The kind of life we lead I believe is a rather rough one but I love girls and I love being with them. I also just recently broke up with the girl I love and she smashed my heart into 1000 pieces.
I just got my pics on the internet so now I figured I'd let you all know what I have to look at everyday.
These Pictures are from Monday November 17, 2003. The night my love Nikke broke up with me...
( My Pics )
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[18 Nov 2003|06:52pm] |
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hey, I'm new....I know Im nor real old but still...im 14 and I went out with Ryan(my ex) for 4 months....I was just addicted to him, I couldnt even last a day without talking to him, and we had goten into talking about marriage and such, we had everything the way we wanted it, and our minds worked perfect together, we liked and dissliked the exzact same thing, and we were like soulmates. So then in the 3rd-ish month I noticed him away message said "you know I love you meghan" then when I asked him about it he said "oh, its just my friend, she said if I was her friend that I would do it" and the way we were still going strong I thought nothing of it. Then the hurrican isabel came, and our power went out, and i could talk to him for 4 days straight, and I was stuck with my family, and they just talked to bad about my friends and such (p.s. they didnt know ryan and I was going out, they didnt even know who he was) so then I was getting into alot of fights with my family about the people I hung out with, and so I thought he was too good to drag him into all my problems and sit and complain to him....so I told him lets just be friends for a while, all he said was "grow up and stop letting your parents dictate you" but it was to late since I broke up with him. and then 2 days later he was going out with meghan....thats made me wonder if he ever cheated...so then I asked him if he was going out with her, he said yes, I wrote tons of emails to him about how upset I was and if we could get back together...he ignored it and went on with his life. Then halloween came by and he IMed me which is a suprize cause he never IMs anyone, he waits for them to IM him, so I was all cheerfula nd like "hey!" and he was like "dude I met this awesome chick at the game, she is so uber cute and mellow, and has a soft jaket" and instead of me acting like he bothered me I was messing around and saying "uh-o what were you doing" and I really didnt want him to answer it, and so he was like ahh we held hand...blahblahblah, and so then I was crushed....I knew for sure it was over...that night I had tried to kill myself for the 2nd time after we broke up. I was stoped by my friend cris...he was able to knock some sence into me. so I was fine...went on and he went on a cruise, so I didnt talk to him at all for a week...he comes back and I read his aim profile and it sid about how he had thought he had been in love before, yet he knows this time that it is real,a nd that he lives his life for no one but her, and he never really wants to talk to me, he always says thing in our convo that isnt true, and we end up fighting alot. and he is just confusing me, cause after we broke up and he was going out with meghan he would say ilu sometimes and such, and I have no idea what to do, and Im just so depressed...I want to tell him how I feel...BUT he wont care, and I want to tell my friends so they can help me, but they think im crazy for still loving him..please help...im so heartbroken I could just kill myself at anytime, yet most of the time I can talk to cris...but he has been grounded..and my life is so fucked up...any advice?
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[25 Oct 2003|03:57pm] |
hey i am a new member and i have been working on my layout. i have been satisfied with it, but i would like an enrty scroll box except i dont know where to get one. I've made layouts myself, and the only thing i need is a scroll box. If you have any information on that contact me ( xodancndivaox@hotmail.com ) ThanKz!!!
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