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Amazon is evil.... [
Jul 9th, 08 @ 1am
]

lilmouse9
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | Dirty Deeds Done Cheap ~ AC/DC ]

It really is. It's the one place I can find all of the DVDs of shows that I want to own that are now no longer being sold in stores like Best Buy or Circuit City. And they tend to have it at a cheaper price at times. And if your order is over $25, you're eligible for Super Saver Shipping aka free shipping (but the items have to say eligible for SSS).

I'm glad, however, that I'm not one of those types that has itchy fingers and will charge things left and right. Only every now and then aka once in a blue moon aka my birthday aka Christmas. And okay, once before these times.

But seriously, Amazon is a gift and a curse, especially if you're a collector of series and don't want to go out and shop amongst the crowds. You can be lazy and just go click, click, click to your heart's content. Dangerous.

At some point, I'll be able to splurge every now and then...when I get a job and after I pay any bills I have.

Until then, I'm staying away from Amazon until the appropriate times, lol.

0 comments | reply | memory

It is hot, hot, hot! [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 9pm
]

lilmouse9
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | Hell's Kitchen ~ FOX ]

Oy, was it not fun being out today! I had planned on getting out, but due to the fact that I kept waking up, I had a bad night's sleep and resigned to just stay in and run my errands tomorrow before I headed up to therapy. But then my dentist's office called and I had to answer since they've been trying to get me in for a cleaning ever since they had to cancel my last appt. Someone had canceled their 3:20 appt and they were offering it to me and I was like "Yes!" because I was just so tired of waiting on call and what have you.

The minute I stepped out, I was hit with the heat. Thank god I had my parasol with me for shade, but holy shit, it was hot!

Appointment went fine with the exception of my hygienist being a scraping fiend and I met my new dentist since my old one is, I believe, retiring/only working part-time now (Something like that. I'm convinced that even though he says he's retiring, he really isn't going to, especially since he's said this before, but then continued working.). Then I headed to the mall, walked around, bought some hair accessories from Claire's and headed home for some much needed food (chicken adobe and rice, yum!).

So, it's about 102 degress in cow town right now. And it's supposed to be hotter tomorrow. Oh, and it's because this week = a heatwave.

As a result, Sacto is looking quite nasty, airwise. And so is cowtown and Fairfield, but not like Sacto. No doubt when I get to Davis tomorrow for therapy, it will be looking a bit nasty.

I'm just glad I'm keeping my legs shaved so I can wear my skirts and new dresses instead of jeans everyday. I swear, when I get a nice big paycheck from whatever job I eventually get, I'm fucking get laser hair removal. I blame my genes, my dad's particularly. My body just had to take after him, except less hairy.

And now, I need to tame my hair with my straightener. It'll be hot, but thank god for the A/C! I'm out.

0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 8th, 08 @ 11pm
]

myperfectenemy
Baby there, there is a room
Full of death and whores and you
I am waiting in that room
I am waiting there for you;
0 comments | reply | memory

It's time to move on, Justine. [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 10pm
]

myperfectenemy
oh my god.


i finally got rid of my layout.


It's been two years now . . . I need to get out of the past.

Or at least reacquaint myself with a different past.
1 comments | reply | memory

I'll stand by your side. [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 10pm
]

myperfectenemy
and it's okay that I am different.


Because I am different.


Different than those other girls . . .
0 comments | reply | memory

You said WHAT to me?? [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 9pm
]

absolutelyjessa
Photobucket
0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 8th, 08 @ 10pm
]

myperfectenemy
I love how I keep coming up with new ways to prove to you I am not the girl you think I am.

I keep you on your toes.

And it's perfect.
0 comments | reply | memory

gonna put this up on fbook most likely. [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 5pm
]

teh_love
[ mood | can you touch what I'm saying? ]
[ music | IT'S LIKE OOH DID SHUGGIE DO IT YET? no, not yet. ]

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line (unless the first line reveals the song title) from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.

1. I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather
2. And some man live his life for profits alone, that very same man he lives his life all alone.
3. You're all that I have and you're all that I need, each and every day I pray to get to know you please
4. On my way to miami I see all kinds of freak, from icky sticky bitches to fetish friendly tricks.
5. "Yo guys, check it out, guess what happened to me" (another crazy story? come on AC)
6. Jessie is a friend, yeah I know he's been a good friend of mine. yet lately something's changed...
7. Hast du etwas Zeit für mich, dann singe ich ein Lied fuer Dich.
8. So denied, so I lied, are you the now or never kind?
9. Came home and you were on the phone with your girlfriend, again today
10. I had a baby named Jane she could shake that thing
11. Well you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf. I don't take you out that often cause I know that I completed you.
12. I've got a new story now and it goes like this, I took my hand out of my pocket out came a fist.
13. I saw shawty dancin on the floor, I'm kinda nervous to approach her though
14. I'm high and I'm happy and I'm free.
15. As logic stands you couldn't meet a man who's from the future.
16. I want to write something beautiful, something so beautiful that I just can't sing it.
17. If the light takes you in will you know where you've been all this time
18. Eyeless in the morning sun you were pale and mild, a modern girl.
19. Use your bed like a trampoline you go higher! higher!
20. She says wake up it's no use pretending, I'll keep stealing breathing her.
21. Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note.
22. Said I love you, said I like you, and I want you to see where the sun goes up.
23. She's coming over, we'll go out walking, make a call on the way.
24. Build a wall of books between us in our bed. Repeat, repeat the words that I know we both said.
25. Once upon a time, you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime, in your prime, didn't you?
26. Sick of drugs and dancing feet, sick of bars where people meet. Smell of crotch and sheets not clean, hairy men in magazines.
27. I've been waiting for this moment all my life, but it's not quite right.
28. Strange face, with your eyes, so pale and sincere.
29. I've got a word of two, to say about the things that you do.
30. You're such a mystery I just want to stand and stare, nibble on your ear and smell the ocean in your hair.

0 comments | reply | memory

say goodbye to love and hold your hand up high [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 7pm
]

uilmcuc
when i get upset, i can't talk. my words get lost while i formulate thousands of sentences or perfect things to say in my mind, my lips can't let the words even see daylight. my mother hates this about me. sometimes i think i do it on purpose.
lately my mom has been really stressed out. it sucks for me because she takes out all her stress on me with these little comments that really really hurt. she doesn't even know how much a simple sentence like "it's not the end of the world" hurts my feelings so bad.
i'm seriously overly sensitive, i take everything to heart even if people are kidding and then i begin to think about it more and more and it just festers itself under my skin as something that always bothers me.
i think it's partly my parents fault that i'm so overly sensitive now. i didn't get out all my feelings when i was a baby. my parents told me that i never cried. i know why i never cried. because i was scared. my dad told me that he yelled at me each time i cried and i would shut right up. now i need to get out my feelings about everything that bothers me because i can't contain it.
my mom isn't even good at helping me with this. whenever i come to her with a problem her solutions are always "oh whatever, not a big deal. that's how the real world is." WELL IT'S A BIG DEAL TO ME AND I CARE. i hate that she doesn't comfort me and say "it's ok" or give me a hug. i want to take her face and scream, "DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO BE A MOTHER?!". i'm never going to get better if you just say "whatever" all the time.
i cried so much in school that it's embarrassing. that's probably where i first started my over-sensitivity. when a teacher totally criticized my work i couldn't handle it or when i did bad i just would lose my cool.
i wish that my mom was more comforting instead of such a bitch sometimes. i feel bad for calling her a bitch but she just doesn't get what i mean. like when we fight she never lets me talk and i end up crying and then i say one thing and she's all over it and i can't do anything but stand there. then i'll leave and about an hour later she'll come into my room and say "are you still mad at me? :)" and be all nice. it's confusing me that one second she'll snap all over and then the next she'll be all happy. i'm especially upset now because i had a bad driver's ed. class and i told her i made mistakes and she's like "like what? what kind of mistakes? what else? why?" I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY AND WHY DO THE MISTAKES MATTER WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY OH I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT IT'S OKAY! FUCK
0 comments | reply | memory

Here's why you never give up hope. [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 6pm
]

absolutelyjessa
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Brooke Fraser: Shadowfeet ]

Two new social worker jobs -- very akin to the one I applied for a couple weeks ago -- have opened up at the Charleston VA. Working with homeless vets this time, instead of traumatic brain injury, but it's yet another population I'm interested in. Funny how every time I start second-guessing myself about this move, another door opens up. Another opportunity arises. Something new makes hope worthwhile. And so, I keep forging ahead.

Photobucket
1 comments | reply | memory

the life and loves of mine [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 2pm
]

missmarymarch
Work day. I have been not doing much of anything. I've been in this lazy phhhffff mood. I think it's because I worked at 8 days solid. I exhaust myself. I just couldn't get this stain right and it makes me really mad. Dr. Peduzzi didn't seem pleased last week so I felt I needed to put in more lab time. The last stain I did she was okay with. So...what can you do except take a monday off to see all your best girlfriends?

Yesterday I hung out all day with friends. It was nice. I saw Melissa we drank beer and went swimming. Michelle's got a diving board so I was diving a lot. Swimming wears me out so quickly. She went out to dinner with friends from school so I went over to Tiff's. Mike was over there - slight awkwardness. We just don't really speak to each other. I don't make eye contact with him. He perked up when I mentioned Jesse and Nick. They knew each other - Mike was a big loser I hear.
So camping this weekend. !! yay! There are goin to be so many of us there. I gotta call Ricky and see if he's riding with us or Chaz. Chaz is my last resort, but ... whatever. So this weekend is goin to be great. I will have my family and my friends. Maybe my rats, I need to find a babysitter for my rats or else they have to come with me. I want them to come with me, but can I take care of them? I'll have to talk to them tonight and see what they want to do. hehe.
The last thing on my mind before I start plowing through the scientific jargon is a certain Mr. James Gale. He has been a reoccurring thought these last few days. Thats a lie, more like these last few months. I wanted him the other night, so badly. His body feels so good. I like kissing him. I like my meathead. =) I think he likes me just the same. I liked it when he gave my ass a slap. I just like him, period. I'm over the craziness of him and now he's just a smile lying dormant in my mind. He conjures up some sense of peace when I think about him. It's not the fluttering I felt for Ybarra but they do feel similar. James just makes me feel so good when I think about him. James is the cherry atop this perfect life of mine.
I hung out with Cassie this week. before I saw James on Sunday. We had a good conversation about envy. She is so jealous when she sees Josh and Grace at work. I can honestly say I have no hostile feelings when I see his ex girl. The only think I think is "hah, I fucked him" Hopefully I can make that thought "I'm fucking him." It would have if it where not for Aunt Flo. That bitch. Sex sex sex with James, yum. Hehe, I am so silly when I'm infatuated. The reason I have no reservations is that I know I trump her in many positions.

Anyways, I just killed my rat. I'm sad, we'll try again tomorrow. I'm going to start a blog just for my lab days.
0 comments | reply | memory

Update [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 5pm
]

secrethoughts
[ mood | accomplished ]

I want to start posting my food and workout habits more regularly because I find it to be more helpful. If I wait long enough, I just can't remember right.

Anyhow-
Yesterday
Fitness- Walked 15 minutes to work and 15 from and 30 minutes during lunch. Wimped out of the gym. Did about 15 minutes of strength training for arms and shoulders.

Today
Fitness-Walked 15 minutes to work and 15 from and 30 minutes during lunch. Planning on going to the gym and doing total body strength training.

Food-as it goes+plan
Bfast: egg on whole grain English muffin
Lunch: 1 can of low sodium Amy's organic lentil and veggie soup
Snack: 1 low fat string cheese
Snack: 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese and about a cup of blueberries
Planned
Bvg: 1 glass low sodium V8
Dinner: kimchi fried rice made with brown rice, skinless chicken, tons of veggies, and kimchi
Dessert: 2 squares dark chocolate
Dessert 2 (optional): low fat frozen novelty (under 100 cals)

The plan is good...I figure I easily get my 5+ servings of produce, 2 servings of light dairy (the rest of the calcium is from supplement land), and I get about 80g of protein, and at least 2 servings of whole grains. That with the lentil soup provides plenty of fiber, so I'm good to go.

1 comments | reply | memory

In The News -- Highest gas in Alaska; Man died & buried on Mt. Mckinley [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 12pm
]

glaciercrow
Gas prices highest in Alaska
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - Alaska's average gas price is $4.63, the highest in the country, according to AAA.

The low is $3.91 in Missouri and the national average is $4.11.

Wolverine advocates give notice of intent to sue
By SUSAN GALLAGHER - Associated Press Writer
HELENA, Mont. (AP) - Ten groups say they will sue the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service over its refusal to protect wolverines under the federal Endangered Species Act.

The groups have written the service's director and the nation's Interior secretary, giving 60 days notice of intent to sue.

The Fish and Wildlife Service said in March that wolverines did not warrant protection under the Endangered Species Act.

The coalition of 10 groups says that outside of Alaska, fewer than 500 wolverines remain in the United States.

The groups include Defenders of Wildlife, the Greater Yellowstone Coalition and the Center for Biological Diversity.


Russian airline makes first trip to Alaska
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - A Russian airline has started weekly charter flights between Anchorage and the Russian Far East, at least for this summer.

Vladivostok Air has announced a two-month schedule of weekly charters between Anchorage and Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky, with same-plane service on to Vladivostok.

Vladivostok Air says it will decide whether to continue the service next summer depending on the response.
(KTUU-TV - Anchorage)


Mount McKinley climber dies, buried at summit
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - Officials at Denali National Park say a climber has collapsed and died on the summit of Mount McKinley.

Fifty-one-year-old James Nasti of Naperville, Ill., died of unknown causes Friday after his seven-person climbing party reached the top of North America's highest peak.

Park spokeswoman Maureen McLaughlin says the group set out June 20 and made a strong climb toward the summit on a beautiful day.

McLaughlin said Nasti was very fit. She said she was unaware of any pre-existing medical issues.

Denali National Park rangers said a recovery of Nasti's body from the jagged ridge would be extremely risky. McLaughlin said Nasti was buried at the summit.

Park officials said Nasti is the first climber known to have died at the summit.
0 comments | reply | memory

television and the almighty credit card [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 3pm
]

giish
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Everytime I see you falling - New Order ]

give me streets to burn
Truth be told, I haven't thought much about updating lately. I've been just going to work, coming home and going to bed. Rinse, reuse.

I always go home for lunch and watch episodes of Oz. I grabbed the first three seasons while on vacation and have been working my way through them ever since I got back. Trouble is, that show is freaking depressing. After a week of lunchtime drama, I'm sure I've been reprogrammed to think that I'm in an Arctic prison of sorts. So I've been walking around in a fug since Saturday. It's all in your own perception of things. Freaking t.v shows...

Yesterday, I tried to bake a cake. Yeah. Me, baking. Pretty simple, I figured. Instructions were on the box, you just added eggs and water, wisk and into the oven. Tell that to my cake that came out. It was lopsided and an ugly yellow colour. It's still sitting on top of the stove as I type this. I don't know whether I should eat it anyway or throw it out. *sigh*

I also procured a credit card, with which I immediately started perusing the internet with. I ordered some Kids in the Hall dvds (actually, all of them), and the last 3 seasons of 3rd Rock from the Sun. Then I remembered that I wanted Claire Fontaine paper, so I ordered that, too. It turns out that Flickr, my main photo dumping ground has all sorts of neato affiliates where you can order post cards, posters, calendars, etc all using your photos as the backgrounds. So I ordered a shitload of post cards. I finally stopped ordering today, when I tried to send flowers to Rose as a joke. You know you're nuts when you try to send your favourite flowers to everyone else except yourself.

I've also been paying close attention to the character of Tim McManus. I used to think this guy must be some sort of layabout actor, until I learned Terry Kinney is one of the three founding members of the Steppenwolf Theatre along with Gary Sinise in Chicago. I was like....damn.

There. I just did it again. That's it. I'm staying away from Amazon.com...they just have everything I've ever wanted in the way of dvds, so it's just best to cease and desist. But I couldn't resist those John Cusack movies, and how am I supposed to know what happens in Oz if I only have the first 3 seasons??

I know, I know....
I'm sick.
Gotta go. T.v is waiting, don't you know.

0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 8th, 08 @ 12pm
]

theotherhalf55
It turns out,
sometimes you have to do the wrong thing.
Sometimes you have to make a big mistake
to figure out how to make things right.
Mistakes are painful,
but they're the only way to find out
who you really are.
0 comments | reply | memory

:[ [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 3pm
]

myperfectenemy
eww @ the fact that all this time I thought my upper arms were just super super fat


but now I'm pretty sure that some of it if not most of it is just excess/loose skin from when I used to be fat

I think now it's even more gross than when I thought it was fat


ewwwwwwwww


fuck you internet and my ability to research on you
0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 8th, 08 @ 11am
]

teliamac
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | neverending white lights & office noises ]

also, my parents got another cat. since they've had so many cat issues recently, they're keeping him as an indoor cat. since annie and jack both disappeared mysteriously (and we'd had annie for years and she never went anywhere) they are suspicious of foul play. apparently someone had been live-trapping cats near where my grandpa lives (across town), i thin kthey probably have a right be be suspicious.

so the neighbors found an orange cat and brought it over. his name is buster and i am quite allergic to him, which i discovered on saturday when darren and i went over and BS'd with my dad for a bit. he's a sweet cat, about lucy's age, but i'll never be able to spend much time in the same room as him.

0 comments | reply | memory

maggie-magic the 8 year old wonder! [
Jul 8th, 08 @ 2am
]

teh_love
[ mood | it asks me like 5 times in the survey ]
[ music | All The Go Inbetweens - Silversun Pickups ]

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to?
umm
not really
i mean andrew of course cause he's my friend
not really anybody else. i can kinda figure.


Have u ever been given or gave a rose to someone?
gotten. :D sweetiepie.


What are your all-time favorite romance movies?
umm
the notebook
duh
pumpkin probably
cause i'm odd like that

Have you ever had a long distance relationship?
nah


Do you believe in this saying "what goes around comes around"?
no se



Do you want to get married?
maybe


How many kids do you want to have?
no se


Whats your favorite color(s)?
purp


kush kush
Who was the last person you held hands with?
umm...haha probably jamison...when mel wasn't looking. haha jk
no
we're not like that.
we just joke a lot.




Do you believe in love at first sight?
probably
not


Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
probably not
unless
haahah maybe
he was hotter before he got cocky


At what age did you start noticing the opposite gender?
BEEN A PLAYA SINCE THA DAY I WAS BORN





Do you still love your ex?
never did yo






Do you know someone who likes you?
yes
sorry baby
it would work if you weren't umm
yeah.



Do you like/love anyone?
i love many people

Do they know you like/love them?
why yes they do


Would you kiss anyone on your top?
umm
we've already agreed we're having sex on acid

ahahaha jokingly i promise
no but we've agreed he is a fine pieca man meat now


Are you wearing makeup?
naw. haven't in hella long.



Where is your family?
sleep
cept for my newly insomniatic dad


Are you parents strict?
lol no

they're pretty close to perfect i have to say


Are you grounded?
never


Who last messaged you?
D-HANS haha
discussing how maggie-magic is an 8 year old super hero
slash his g-ma.
love this kid.


Will you kiss the person you kissed last again?
OH it's different
umm prob if i hang with him again
which i most likely won't



Is your bestfriend making you mad?
hahaha


Do you miss anyone?
YES BUT I GET TO SEE THEM IN 2 WEEKS THAT'S RIGHT KIDS YOU HEARD IT HERE
MILDEW IS BACK!
2 WEEKS IN 2 WEEKS


Who hates you?
go natosh
who cares


Are you wearing jewlery?
pjs that ive been wearing for tooo long



Are your nails done?
naw they still look good though
i should get them done



Who last texted you?
devon
so i stopped taking this survey for a couple hours
yeah we're still texting haha


Are you in love?
nope


Happy, mad, or sad?
happy


What's your favorite word?
creole




Where should you be?
in bed


Have you smoked pot before?
umm yes.


Have you drank before?
yeah
few times.



Who is in the house you are in?
s-mom, poppop, andrew



Do you have any marks on your body?
yes



What song never gets old?
JESSIE'S GIRL!
umm i could come up with a list of like
21938




Who did you last hold hands with?
you already asked this


Did you kiss that person?
nope



Where is your ex?
at home most likely


Where is your bestfriend?
sweden



What are you looking forward to?
lots stuff




Do you want to kiss someone?
i want to kiss you on the lips


How did you and your number 2 become friends?
no top friends bra


How late did you stay up last night
2



What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
WE BE BROTHAS
duh dude
we're hella good friends
that met at EXTREME TEENS! RAH!



Do you know anyone that is currently locked up?
yes


What do you think about the current gas prices?
good
get us weened off of gas




Do you think that you’re a good person?
i try



Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
yes



Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
umm
i don't like tomatoes
a year ago
sorry.



Have you lost any friends lately?
duh





Do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
YES
FUCK DEVON HANNA
JESUS




Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
mamalalalalala


Whose bed did you sleep in 2 nights ago?
guest room



Do you miss anyone?
yes


Who?
people i get to see soon
either in 2 weeks
or in a month bia bia!



Do you like winter time?
yes

What are you excited about?
GOD
tomorrow doing stuff
wednesday doing stuff in front of a classroom
thursday seeing amandabanda and getting clothes!
friday or saturday seeing devon and possibly catherine
the rest is a mysteryyy
seeing ashash soon




Do you like to cuddle?
yes






What’s your hair look like today?
ugleh




Suppose you see your crush kissing another person:
umm
don't got one bra



Anything exciting happen today?
dhans
not much really




Have you ever snuck out of your house?
si si





What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed?
me
lamey
pillows


Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
nope


Have you been asked out in the past week?
naw

Tattoos?
not yet
GONNA GET A MATCHING ONE WITH CATHY!
hahaha jk


Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
yes


When was the last time you did the dishes?
today




Three feelings at the moment?
happy and tired and fun





Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
doctor's
yes
my life is pathetic and sick



Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
lol not yet



What's the craziest thing you've done?
aha
i couldn't even pick



What happened at 10:00 am today?
i slept


Are you going to ask out the person you like?
no






Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?
probably at some point





Did you have a good day yesterday?
ye






What was the highlight of today?
dhans really



Have you ever collapsed on the bathroom floor?
haha not in the pathetic way






Do you have a good relationship with your mother?
yes and no

i have as good as it gets with her


When was the last time you bought something?
idk
too long ago
train ticket probs

0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 8th, 08 @ 12am
]
certainlyunknow
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Vanessa Carlton- Hands on me ]

I am absolutely fed up with how things are going. One minute he's all over me, holding me and the next throwing me off him and making smartass remarks. I'm sick of jumping back and forth from friends to a couple. I never know what to expect from him or what he wants at that time. George and Molly HAVE been talking just as I assumed; and caught him in a lie. Just the other night, I was online and seen he was on as well when he had told me he was going off to his friends and I had to leave. Well come to find out well come to read.. Molly's away message clearly stating facts about George. After I had IMed asking why he wasn't at his friends I sent him "Oh nevermind I know why" and signed off. He called not even two minutes later asking what I had meant. After a few 'nothings' and 'it doesn't matter' I finally asked if he was talking to Molly. He acted surprised and said No they didn't talk anymore and they hated each other. Yesterday he got onto his computer and said "Oh Molly IMed me" I didn't say anything because one, I didn't care and two, it was just going to piss me off more. Supposedly she said she was sorry about the other night, and they shouldn't talk again anymore and it was immature, they were bored. I didn't look over to read it I just ignored him.

I haven't slept over in over 2 weeks, besides last Friday night because I was too drunk to drive back home without him following me. Even then, when we woke up, I had to stay downstairs because his friend had came over. And then basically sneak out. I am seriously ultimately fed up with him at the moment.

I've been talking to an old friend too lately. Which is bad on my part because he's like George. I get tempted to go out and hang out with him, but I know that would only cause trouble with me. I've been in such a pithole lately and I don't know how to get out. I don't understand how I can seriously be unhappy more then I'm happy. Sure I can change things, but then would involve changing my entire life. Every single aspect of it. I honestly wish I knew what the hell George specifically wants out of me, besides sex. No one thinks were going to last, well maybe not everyone, just everyone who knows our history doesn't think so. I'm beginning to question it.

0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 6th, 08 @ 11pm
]

starbroken1


You Are a Chocolate Chip Cookie



Traditional and conservative, most people find you comforting.

You're friendly and easy to get to know. This makes you very popular - without even trying!

0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 7th, 08 @ 10pm
]

myperfectenemy
life is so weird.
0 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 8th, 08 @ 9am
]

parapluie_
[ mood | thoughtful ]

" It is hard to know what Starling remembers of the old life, what she chooses to keep. The drugs that held her in the first days have had no part in their lives for a long time. Nor the long talks with a single light source in the room.

Occasionally, on purpose. Dr Lector drops a teacup to shatter on the floor. He is satisfied when it does not gather itself together. For many months now, he has not seen Mischa in his dreams.

Someday perhaps a cup will come together. Or somewhere Starling may hear a crossbow string and come to some unwilled awakening, if indeed she even sleeps.

We'll withdraw now, while they are dancing on the terrace - the wise Barney has already left town and we must follow his example. For either of them to discover us would be fatal.

We can only learn so much and live."

- Hannibal by Thomas Harris

0 comments | reply | memory

Swim to live. [
Jul 7th, 08 @ 6pm
]

absolutelyjessa
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Brendan James: The Sun Will Rise (thanks, McB!) ]

This is probably going to be boring to everyone, but I have to write it down. I need to be able to remind myself of this when I'm feeling like giving up again.

I've always wished I was coordinated and athletic. I'd hear about how people would feel so relaxed and centered when they would run. My da was a marathon runner until his knee couldn't handle it anymore, and from a young age I knew that running was my da's outlet -- and I wanted that too. Unfortunately, I hate running. I find it aggravating and awkward and awful. I do not enjoy it. Not once. Not ever.

I tried other things -- volleyball, basketball, even boring old aerobic walking. Again and again I'd get frustrated and quit, because I'm a perfectionist and if I can't do it well, I don't want to do it at all. And I'm naturally just uncoordinated and awkward, so things never seemed to work out right for me.

There have been two sports in my life that have worked for me. Oddly, they both require lots of coordination and discipline, so I'm not sure what's different about these two. The first is dance; I was a little rockstar in my dance classes as a kid. (Okay, wait -- it was in dance class that I broke out my tooth, so maybe my theory applies to dance too.) Unfortunately, the dance classes didn't suit my oh-so-high standards so I quit after one season. Is it possible to have rhythm, a little bit of grace, and a skill for following choreography without having a stitch of everyday coordination?

But the other -- swimming -- has always been the one place where I did find comfort. I was thinking about that while I was swimming my laps today. I swam competitively for several years, and while I was never going to win any races, I had good technique and I loved it. (Plus, I could smoke the other kids in the swimming unit of P.E., even if I couldn't hold a candle to the other racers on my team.) But it was always like that -- even when I was training 15+ hours a week during season, there was something innately calming about being underwater.

I stopped swimming my sophomore year under doctor's orders, because of rampant tendonitis in both my shoulders. And oh, I missed it. I stayed involved by managing the team and unofficially coaching the new JV swimmers, but it's definitely not the same. I finally got back in the pool sporadically in college, and found out pretty quick that if I swim only breastroke I don't aggravate my shoulders too much. But it's an expensive sport, and tricky to find pool time. But still, it's so worth it when I actually buckle down and do it.

It's even more true now that I'm swimming for myself, rather than for a bitch of a coach. I have my little routine down pat -- I get in the pool, stretch my shoulders, swim ten unbroken laps, stretch again, swim another ten unbroken laps. I wanted to start with a pretty easy (read: short) workout to build up the strength in my shoulders again. Usually by lap three I can just relax into the rhythm: kick - glide - stroke - breathe. I used to make up stories in my head while I was swimming, but now I mostly just count my strokes and lengths. It's so incredibly mindless. And when I am done, I love the heat that rushes across my upper back and down my triceps before I stretch. It's...comforting somehow.

The water is pretty much the only place where I feel strong, coordinated, and capable. I'm even having some success and improvement -- since I started swimming regularly (3-4 times a week) I've dropped 7 minutes from my 1000 meters. I added 5 more laps to my workout today and I could have gone five more, but didn't want to push it too much. It was a terrific feeling. I don't know why I get away from it as often as I do.

Anyway, this is my reminder to myself -- swim to live. This is your marathon.

3 comments | reply | memory

[
Jul 7th, 08 @ 5pm
]

absolutelyjessa


You Are Barbeque Sauce



You are a social person. You enjoy cooking for other people.

You are both skillful and competitive. You enjoy mastering hard tasks.

You appreciate complexity more than simplicity.



Your taste in food tends to lean toward interesting flavors.

You appreciate exotic spice combinations. You tend to like cutting edge, fusion cuisine.

You get along with all personalities from a distance. Except salsa personalities, who always seem to annoy you.

1 comments | reply | memory

I love Captain Oats. [
Jul 7th, 08 @ 2pm
]

nonatitania
So yesterday I was playing with capt. oats and I accidentally lit my hair on fire.
1 comments | reply | memory

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